Gethsemane - Forgiveness - Repentance

This morning, I read the Gethsemane chapter in Come, Let Us Adore Him in preparation for my personal celebration of Easter (the Resurrection) tomorrow. I don't know how anyone can read it and not be sobbing by the fourth page in.

For this post, I just wanted to share a few quotes from this chapter, which is an apostolic eyewitness of Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection as seen by Denver Snuffer. All emphases are mine.

To enter into the kingdom of heaven, all [people] must lay down their sins. But this they cannot do when they claim the right to restitution for any offense from their brother [meaning all other humans]. All claims must be set aside, the greater and more difficult being the righteous claim against another for their deliberate offense. Yet in asking for justice for yourself, you always require justice be answered in turn for all of your offenses. A [person] will not be given mercy if he is not merciful. (pp 228-9)

Denver talks about paired waves of torment our Lord suffered, the first being the suffering for those who harmed others (the perpetrators) and the second being the suffering for those who have been harmed by others (the victims), then he writes the following:

The greater difficulty in these paired waves of torment was always overcoming the suffering of the victim. With these waves, the Lord learned to overcome the victims' resentments, to forgive, and to heal both body and spirit. This was more difficult than overcoming the struggles arising from the one who committed the evil . . . The victim . . . always feels it is their right to hold resentment, to judge their persecutor and to withhold peace and love for their fellowmen. (pp 220-1)

In the final wave, the most brutal, most evil, most heinous sins men inflict upon one another were felt by Him as a victim of the worst men can do. He knew how it felt to wrongly suffer death. He knew what it was like to be a mother holding a child in her arms as they are both killed by those who delight in their suffering. He knew how it was for ambitious men to rid themselves of a rival by conspiracy and murder. He knew what it was to have virtue robbed from the innocent [this would include the rape of toddlers and children]. He knew betrayal, treachery, and abuse in all its worst degrading horror. There was no cruelty, no offense, no evil that mankind has suffered or will suffer that was not put upon Him.

He knew what is it like for men to satisfy their ambition by clothing their hypocrisy in religious garb. He also felt what it was like to be the victim of religious oppression by those who pretend to practice virtue while oppressing others. He knew the hearts of those who would kill Him. Before confronting their condemnation of Him in the flesh, He suffered their torment of mind when they recognized He was the Lord, and then found peace for what they would do by rejecting Him. In this extremity there was madness itself as He mirrored the evil which would destroy Him, and learned how to come to peace with the Father after killing the Son of God, and to love all those involved without restraint and without pretense, even before they did these terrible deeds. . . .

As a result of what the Lord suffered, there is no condition - physical, spiritual or mental that he does not fully understand. He knows how to teach, comfort, succor and direct any who come to Him seeking forgiveness and peace. (pp 222-3)

I share the above in the hopes that it gives comfort to some, and that it helps someone who is struggling to forgive a person or people who have caused them harm, no matter how terrible that harm.

P.S. You can forgive without putting yourself in danger, and without ever having to contact or talk to a person who is dangerous to you.

Second Coming is Real

Okay, lame title. I couldn't think of a better one.

I think the words below from a true messenger of God bears repeating. This stuff is real. Jesus is real. He is really going to come. From here on out, in the world, it will be less and less fun.

The Lord's return is always a subject He wants us to keep in mind. All the latter-day events that will mark the time for His return will happen in a single generation. (D&C 45:30; JS-M 1:34.) Therefore, when that generation begins to witness the signs of His coming, they should prepare so the return of the Master does not find them abusing others. (Matt. 24:44-51; JS-Matt. 1:49-55.)
. . . 
I am sent as another witness to testify He will return. Signs have been, and are being given both in the heavens and on earth.
. . . 
He has authorized baptism as His own covenant to preserve all who receive it. I have seen His return and I know this newly offered baptism will be respected at His return by those who will return with Him. Baptism is offered as a covenant between you and the Lord. There are no institutional demands made upon you as a result of receiving the ordinance. It is an invitation to renew your relationship with Christ and take an act of faith to show Him you keep Him in your heart.
. . . 
Every nation, kindred, tongue and people, black and white, male and female, young and old, are invited to be baptized. There is no charge, and you make no commitment to men. You only covenant to follow Christ.

He is aligning events to complete His work, and the signs of His return are being given to this generation. The time will soon come when it will not be possible to receive this invitation any longer. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance.
denversnuffer.com/2015/12/come-unto-christ/

How long is a generation? I don't know that God counts it in years. Speaking of only one genealogical line, I had two generations in Nauvoo: Shadrach and Lorenzo Wesley Roundy. Then, there was Joel Jesse, Sarah Elizabeth, then my mother. Counting from Nauvoo, I am the 4th and 5th generation. (LW-JJ=1 JJ-SE=2 SE-Mom=3 Mom-me=4) 

How to translate that into now, I don't know, but if we take the year the "saints" were kicked out of Nauvoo and subtract it from 2015, then divide it by 4 (generations), we may come up with a general ball park number. However, the time when "it will not be possible to receive this invitation any longer" will probably be sooner than that. If the Book of Mormon is any indication, there comes a time when people cannot repent (because of their mindsets).  They are "past feeling."

I don't know about you, but the possible fact that Jesus could return as early as 40 years from now gives me cause for concern. Who will be ready? Will I? But my concern is more for my loved ones. My children, my siblings and their families, my cousins and other relatives, my friends and acquaintances, even those who seem to be enemies of some sort. 

Would to God that all people might repent, turn to Christ, and follow Him. 
Why must we suffer? 
Why must we harden our hearts? 
Why must we hurt each other? 
Why must we live in fear, anger, vengeance, and contention? 

Let us lift up our hearts together. 
Let us unite in love! 
Let us cease contending. 
Let us cease lifting up ourselves or others on pedestals as one(s) to be heeded above others. 
Let us humbly turn to our Lord, Jesus Christ. 
Let us see ourselves for the fools we really are. 

Holy, holy, holy is the most High - for it is by His grace and His grace alone that we are saved, not by any act of ourselves. 

We may repent, we may accept His awesome grace and incredible mercy, but it is He who has trodden the winepress alone. It is He who has opened the door to our salvation and peace. With all my heart and mind, I throw out into the "ethers" the invitation to come unto Christ, and to be one with Him. Amen.

A Purpose of Trials and Sacrifices

These are some thoughts I had this morning. That doesn't mean I really know what I'm talking about. I do think, though, that this conclusion was a result of pondering about "Goliaths" evaporating once we learn to choose faith in regards to them.

We are here to learn faith in Christ.

As we learn a little faith, he gives us a little more - to push our faith forward.

The trials we have and the sacrifices he asks, including the huge sacrifice at the supposed end is just another step in learning faith and in learning to trust him.

It is for our benefit, so that -eventually- we have the faith to be self-existent. Faith to attain to the resurrection of the dead (in other words, not dependent upon a God to resurrect us - but, instead, we can resurrect those who depend upon us).

On Trials and Challenges - part 2

The last post was so dang long that I didn't want to make it longer.

Continuing the idea, though, when the car began to act up, it was difficult to continue believing (not that I was that good at it in the first place - I had simply agreed to do what God had suggested.)

 I was facing my troubles and trials, as I said at the beginning of the last post. It was so painful to come face to face with so many things I could not control and/or feared. This morning, I was lead to read a few pages in The Second Comforter.

Pages 74-75:

How we perceive our challenges determines how we meet them. If we see God as the overriding influence in life's challenges, then we can trust God to help us through them. ... the dilemma is never merely physical. It is always a battle between faith and skepticism. Do you see it as a fight between your own willingness to trust God to deliver you ...?  Does God care about your life's dilemmas? Will He help deliver you from your 'Goliaths?' Do you trust Him? Do you believe in Him? Do you believe He is interested and involved in your life? Will you accept the proof of His involvement as His word to you? Do you feel His proofs are not sufficient or substantial enough to have faith in them?

Faith in a distant and unconcerned God may satisfy some .... But that is not the God Nephi (or David) believed in. In Nephi's example we find a personal God involved in everyday life. We find a God who will give a challenge to us, and then walk beside us to see we succeed. Nephi is trying to teach us this is the way God operates in all of our lives. He is not distant. He is a part of each of our daily lives. We can ignore Him, or acknowledge Him. But whether we accept or reject His involvement, Nephi's view is that He is present and concerned.

If you want to have an audience with God, you must first be willing to see God as someone who does have personal, direct and onging involvement with each of our lives. You must accept Him as someone who cares enough about you that He will help you accomplish His commandments. You must be willing to accept the forms of communication He uses to facilitate this.

This example of Nephi's is not limited to retrieving a book from a hostile cousin. It should apply to any of life's challenges. ... That is how you need to see the challenges you have. No Goliath in your life will destroy you. Rather, God will destroy the Goliaths for you.

In the end, Goliaths are merely opportunities for you to demonstrate your faith. They will be swept away when they no longer serve any purpose. They are there only temporarily to provide you with an opportunity to demonstrate faith.

As I thought on this, pondered on it, it seemed to me that what I was seeing were a) my obstacles (see the questions in the first quoted paragraph) and b) that all of these troubles would evaporate once I had learned to have faith in God. They are only there to teach me to trust God. Once I learn that, they will cease to exist.

That trust, that unconditional trust is what I crave. It is what I am attempting to grasp and incorporate into my being. I hope God is truly long-suffering and patient because it looks, to me, like an exceedingly long road before I can answer any of the questions in the affirmative, let alone have enough trust and faith in him to allow my present tribulations and challenges to evaporate.

On Trials and Challenges

 Challenges

So, I had a challenge that broke me, having to do with my car which I desperately need (it still runs, but has me concerned that it may stop running). It was the proverbial straw.

I was sitting at the computer a few nights ago, reading forums and skype, when I felt the Lord telling me to come talk to him. I procrastinated until too close to bedtime to say much before I slept. But I did talk to him the next morning, extensively.

Last night, I got the same "feeling" and got off the computer much earlier.

(As a side note, recently (before the experience(s) I am currently relating), I prayed all night. I began around 10 or 11 p.m. At one point, said I had to sleep, but felt compelled to continue. When I noticed light coming through the blinds, I checked the time. It was just after 6 a.m. It was difficult to believe that much time had passed.)

The reason I procrastinated talking to him was because I didn't want to face what was tormenting me. I felt I would totally break with reality if I had to look at everything all at once, and I knew that's what I would be doing if I talked to him.

 The car was and is only one of many issues that have been tormenting me. It's easier not to break when you pretend nothing is there.

I looked it all square in the face as I talked to him. I admitted that I did not know how to fix any of it. Like the proverbial child who doesn't know and knows that he doesn't know. That was me.

Do This

A few months ago, I dabbled with the idea of going back to college. Just for fun. Well, I began the process. Somewhere along the line I decided I ought to go for a bachelors degree (I already have an associates degree).

Also, somewhere along the line, I talked to God about it. He told me he wanted me to go. He didn't care what classes I took; he simply wanted me to go and take what I really wanted to take. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Then I read some words on this post that went into my mind - as if it possibly applied to me. The author was quoting someone else.

Everyone faces the identical challenge.  It seems different only because of our individual strengths and weaknesses.  The challenge is adapted to our own personality, capacity and life's history. Therefore, when you are asked to overcome something, it will fit in the framework of your life.

All are asked to make a sacrifice that shows they will not withhold anything from the Lord.  It will come to each person based on what they value and would regret to their core surrendering.  Whatever that is, you will be asked by the Lord to give it to Him.  You must decide to do that when asked.

All are asked to do something that they view as wrong, evil or inappropriate and will seem to be inconsistent with the Lord's mercy, righteousness and perfection.  The request will unmistakably come from Him.  You cannot evade the request because you doubt He is asking.  You will clearly know it is Him who asks, and that to all your understanding it will be wrong to do.  You must do it anyway.

All are asked to take a step in faith beyond where they are at the time.  Trust in Him, and only Him, as you take that step.  You will be certain that if it were something you were undertaking on your own, it could not be accomplished.  But because you are doing as He has asked, you know you will have the strength or support to do as He bids.

I could not see how it could fit what the Lord had asked me (college). I went through the points with God to see what was really being said:

First: “The challenge is adapted to our own personality, capacity and life's history. Therefore, when you are asked to overcome something, it will fit in the framework of your life.”

Second: “You will not withhold anything from the Lord. It is something you will regret to your core surrendering.” I know of nothing that would fit this. I have lost so much in the last 20-30 years, that anything else I lose would probably freak me out or give me a nervous breakdown, but I cannot see how I could not stop it from happening.

Third: “Whatever that is, you will be asked by the Lord to give it to Him. You must decide to do that when asked.”

Fourth: “All are asked to do something that they view as wrong, evil or inappropriate and will seem to be inconsistent with the Lord's mercy, righteousness and perfection.”

Fifth: “The request will unmistakably come from Him. You cannot evade the request because you doubt He is asking.”

And, sixth: “All are asked to take a step in faith beyond where they are at the time.  Trust in Him, and only Him, as you take that step. You will be certain that if it were something you were undertaking on your own, it could not be accomplished.”

1st: Well, it is certainly adapted to my personality, capacity, and life's history.

2nd, I've already commented on.

3rd: He did ask and I did say yes and am in the process of doing that.

4th: Here, I balked. "Lord, you know this is not evil or bad or wrong. It isn't against any scriptural law that I know of."

"Look at it closely," he said, "and tell me what you think of you doing this."

I looked at it, and I said, "Of course, it's wrong for me to go to college. Of course, it's a sin for me to pursue subjects that I have wanted to learn from my core since I was a child, because I'm not supposed to have what I want. I'm not supposed to do what I love. It's a sin - but for me, not for anyone else."

And as I kept attempting to explain, I saw that I was going in a frustrated circle. He was right. My core self believes it is the height of evil for me to do anything I would like, anything that would bring me joy and fulfillment. It's okay for others to pursue lives and careers that speak to their souls, but not for me.

We finally settled on agreeing to disagree because I was confusing myself.

5th: Even though it was quiet, even though it was simple, I was absolutely sure I was talking to the Lord.

6th: Absolutely, I could not accomplish this on my own. Not only financially (tuition, fees, books, rent and other bills, and so on), but the thing, itself. As I faced the thing square on, I saw insecurities about failing.

I finally saw that what I was supposed to do is simply give it my best, as I enjoyed it. Enjoy the journey. ("Who is this, really? God is supposed to make us do all sorts of painful sacrifices. He's supposed to make us miserable, even unto death, because that's what this life is for: suffering and sacrifice and pain.")

Knowing who the Lord Really Is

So, I was talking to him about this. Talking about the sacrifices, the ones that hurt, the ones that Brother Snuffer and others talk about.

He said to me, "I'm not going to do that to you yet. First, you have to know me enough to trust me. After you know me, then I can ask you to do other things. For now, we are working on you knowing who I really am and trusting me."

The understanding that accompanied that was seeing that I did not know his personality. I did not know him as a friend or a father. This needed to come first. And, as I recall, this message that I needed to learn to trust him, needed to learn to see and feel and believe his love for me came after the thing I wrote below.

#

That's the end of the post. However, below, I'm going to relate our conversation about point 4 in more detail for those who may be interested (I wrote it down soon afterward and this is a quote from what I wrote). Feel absolutely free to ignore it. [Brackets are my current insertions.]

The bit about God wanting you to do something "wrong" - well, I can't believe it but every time I don't, I'm immediately faced with my own deep conviction that - for me - it is wrong, it is a huge sin.

And I wondered why God would choose such a strange sacrifice for me. And I thought maybe God was using it to cause me to further trust him for food and such. And to trust him in general. And it was brought to my mind the time I did testing at workforce (in St. George - when my kids were ages 5/6, 8 & 10). the lady who told me my test results apologized that the IQ test only went to 126. I had surpassed that. They couldn't measure what it really was (one I'd taken a few years earlier averaged me at 144 - with the "logic" aspect being something like 168). [Note: I could have inflated that. It could have been 142 and 162 or 164.] She had noticed that I had finished the sections before others in the room (which would add points). She told me I could be anything, even a medical doctor. That experience is what came to my mind as I doubted my ability to take the languages. And I wondered why God would encourage me in such a secular thing. [The classes I signed up for are Chinese, French, and Spanish, as far as languages go.]

Isn't my job here to suffer, be miserable, never get what I really want? That's about the time the thought of "In contraries is truth made manifest" [came].

I mean, if I['m] going to go through the crap and emerge on the other side safe and whole, then there's got to be the possibility that the other side exists, right?

And, it's such a personal journey.

But I find myself suspicious. "Are you sure this is God? The devil is the one who tells us to do things we like," etc - etc.

So, you believe the devil gives you good things and I give you bad? was the gist of the reply.

And I have to admit that the answer is yes. I have learned exactly that. God gives homelessness, fear, hunger, poverty, pain, persecution, blocks any chance of having a creative outlet or doing what one loves.

It is the devil who says you should follow your dreams and desires, pursue your interests, who offers to you to never go hungry and so forth. (Not that he always delivers.)

Isn't that backwards, the "voice" [in my mind -not actually audible words] asks gently. Why would God/I give you talents and abilities only to have you sacrifice them?

Because you're a God who requires sacrifice of everything we like, of everything that makes us comfortable (food, clothing, house, safety, etc.).

True, but haven't you been doing that all along? Haven't you been suffering your whole life? Don't you think it's finally time you rested from that and learned what your soul craves (French, for example), and finally opened up to letting me provide abundantly for you - so much so that you can help others?

Me: This is really the devil I'm talking to, isn't it? Only the devil would pretend to offer me food ... [etc.].

So, you think that if you ask me bread, I'll give you a stone?

No, I think that when I have asked you for bread in the past, you have given me poison. When I've asked for a fish, you've given me worse than a fiery, poisonous serpent.

It isn't what I'd want to say to a God, but I must be honest in my perception of you.

Then why follow me? Why seek me out?

Because it's in my soul to do so. It is in my nature to  [pause] - oh.

(Smiles) [Meaning he smiled]

In my soul to seek you. In my soul to learn languages. In my soul to heal. In my soul to live with the earth, in nature, in "my" home.

I'm confused now.

You were always confused, my dear. How about you do an experiment? (I love experiments - behavioral ones, especially ...)

Just for this school year, you trust me. Maybe for two school years and one summer. You do what I say, which is to do this great "sin" of going after your dream of being a linguist - Let go and go for it.

Just for these next two years, assume (the real meaning, not the ass meaning) that I'm there for you, that I will provide for you and protect you. Sins, all, in your estimation. Do that for me, okay? (okay?)

That's a strange sacrifice you're asking of me.

It's a strange set of beliefs you carry.

Me, again: Okay. It makes no sense to me why you should ask me to do this "sin" which is only a sin to/for me. This whole thing is weird - But, okay, for you I'll do it.

[Turning attention heavenward] And, dear God, the Real God of heaven and earth, if I've been talking to the devil this whole time, please step in. I don't want to be happy if you want me miserable. I don't want to be well-nourished and in a home/land that nourishe[s] both  body and soul if you want me to be hungry, under-nourished, and either homeless or living away from nature.

God: Sigh

. . . 

So there you have it. I'm breaking out of a cycle - A cycle of misery and woe and hunger and homelessness and attracting predators and not learning/doing what is in my soul to do.

My "sacrifice" is to let God pull me out of hell and protect me and let me (make the way for me to) do what is in my soul to do.

What will happen? I'm sure I do not know. If the past indicates the future, I'll give up. I'll pull out. I'll continue the cycle of lack and misery.

The reason I post this personal stuff is because there may be another "loser" out there whose life seems to have given them the same message. Perhaps God wants to pull you out of misery if you could only learn to trust him.

If there is someone like that who reads this, I hope for your sake that I succeed - so that you can see that you, also, can succeed.

The End

In March, 1974, a teacher's ministry began. In April 2014, that ministry continued, but changed drastically as far as outward appearances.

40 years from baptism to casting out - Sept 2013
40 years from beginning of ministry to end of either it or of the first phase of it - March 2024

This, below, was brought to my attention by "briznian" so I am quoting it. I find it key to the quotes below.

I've thought about that chapter [the chapter of scripture quoted below] for many months. Those three are the last of the quorum who deposed Eldred Smith and the office of Patriarch to the Church. While they live, they have the power to rectify the situation. After they are gone it will require a restoration for the office to return.

As much as I love those three, it pains me to watch as all this unfolds. I have figured for some time that it was Perry who would go first, then Packer ... and finally Monson. That way there will only one changing of the Presidency. Because both Packer [and] Monson have looked so feeble nobody will connect Zechariah 11 saying it was just coincidence. Then Elder Nelson will ascend to the Presidency. Elder Hales hasn't looked well for some time and supposedly Elder Scott is ill too. It's conceivable that five of the fifteen could be replaced in the next year. I figure that they will be replaced with churchmen like Elder Clayton (Google his involvement in high profile excommunications) and Elder Rasband who supposedly lives in DS' stake and was involved in getting DS exxed.

All this will come during the announcement by the SCOTUS that gay marriage will be the law of the land. We will then shortly see it in the church.

I hope I'm wrong.

 Combine that with this:

[L. Tom Perry's] passing will mark another milestone in the loss of leaders who were there when I first joined the LDS Church. The only ones remaining now in leadership who were there at the beginning are Thomas S. Monson, Boyd K. Packer and L. Tom Perry.

I wish him and his family well. It saddens me to see him depart.
from here

And this. I am quoting the chapter in its entirety, but highlighting a few spots for tl;dr people (too long, didn't read).

Zechariah, Chapter 11

1  OPEN thy doors, O Lebanon, that the fire may devour thy cedars.

2  Howl, fir tree; for the cedar is fallen; because the mighty are spoiled: howl, O ye oaks of Bashan; for the forest of the vintage is come down.

3  ¶ There is a voice of the howling of the shepherds; for their glory is spoiled: a voice of the roaring of young lions; for the pride of Jordan is spoiled.

4  Thus saith the LORD my God; Feed the flock of the slaughter;

5  Whose possessors slay them, and hold themselves not guilty: and they that sell them say, Blessed be the LORD; for I am rich: and their own shepherds pity them not.

6  For I will no more pity the inhabitants of the land, saith the LORD: but, lo, I will deliver the men every one into his neighbour's hand, and into the hand of his king: and they shall smite the land, and out of their hand I will not deliver them.

7  And I will feed the flock of slaughter, even you, O poor of the flock.  And I took unto me two staves; the one I called Beauty, and the other I called Bands; and I fed the flock.

8  Three shepherds also I cut off in one month; and my soul lothed them, and their soul also abhorred me.

9  Then said I, I will not feed you: that that dieth, let it die; and that that is to be cut off, let it be cut off; and let the rest eat every one the flesh of another.

10  ¶ And I took my staff, even Beauty, and cut it assunder, that I might break my covenant which I had made with all the people.

11  And it was broken in that day: and so the poor of the flock that waited upon me knew that it was the word of the LORD.

12  And I said unto them, If ye think good, give me my price; and if not, forbear.  So they weighed for my price thirty pieces of silver.

13  And the LORD said unto me, Cast it unto the potter: a goodly price that I was prised at of them.  And I took the thirty pieces of silver, and cast them to the potter in the house of the LORD.

14  Then I cut asunder mine other staff, even Bands, that I might break the brotherhood between Judah and Israel.

15  ¶ And the LORD said unto me, Take unto thee yet the instruments of a foolish shepherd.

16  For, lo, I will raise up a shepherd in the land, which shall not visit those that be cut off, neither shall seek the young one, nor heal that that is broken, nor feed that that standeth still: but he shall eat the flesh of the fat, and tear their claws in pieces.

17  Woe to the idol shepherd that leaveth the flock!  the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye: his arm shall be clean dried up, and his right eye shall be utterly darkened.

Babylon
Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The God of Heaven tells me all the world should pray that Baghdad does not fall.

Lamentation for Baghdad
May 28, 2015

Days of distress are upon Baghdad and the days of their troubles are begun. Distress shall overtake them, for those who come shall have no pity.

During the next nine years, we will see things happen in the LDS Church (and probably in all of the factions that claim to be the "true" doctrinal and authoritative descendants of Joseph Smith Jr). A cry for repentance, coming from the Lord as He tears things apart, as He preaches His own sermons.

After those nine years (March 2024), what will happen then?

If the Gentiles (called Gentiles even if there happen to be drops of rebellious Ephraimite blood in them) have taken advantage of the calamities and destructions and have repented, it will be well with them. They will be numbered among the house of Israel.

If not, they will be destroyed and trodden under foot.

How long after March 2024 will that take? I don't know.

Am I a true "prophet" or a false one?

I don't know.

All I know is that we are in great spiritual and physical danger. As goes the world, so goes the Church.

 We cry, "All is well," and bury our heads in the sand to our detriment and to our future horror and agony.

Repent and come unto Christ. Lean upon Him and no other. Be baptized by one having authority (rather than by one merely commissioned in a dead Church). Join no formal organization.

Keep your current religion if you wish (LDS, FLDS, Community of Christ, Buddhist, Islamic, Catholic, Episcopalian, Baptist, Pagan, New Age, and so on and so forth).

The Lord's church consists of those who repent, come unto Him, and are baptized. That is His doctrine. There is no doctrine but this, which is encapsulated in the words, "Come unto me."

The Book of Mormon is extremely helpful in this journey, but a belief in the literalness of it as a history doesn't seem to be a requirement.

Thinking About Thngs Again

So, I got an epiphany a while ago. The Lord doesn't want me to be miserable. He really does want me to be happy. When I said that to Him, it seemed like He replied, "You finally got it! Yes! I'm not your enemy. I want you to have enough food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to live. I want you to be genuinely happy, not pretend to be happy while you are miserable and wish you were dead."

--

I read a couple of posts lately, about Zion. They made me think. They were sobering to me. One was here. The other was here.

Right before or after I read that second link, I watched a movie called, "The Truman Show." It was like getting hit with a sledgehammer. The post and the movie sort of merged in my soul (that's why I don't remember which I was exposed to first). I watched the movie again today.

There's a line in the movie that the creator of The Truman Show says to a detractor (one who wants Truman to be able to live a real life). I can't quote it verbatim, but in essence, he says, "He can get out if he wants. If he wants it badly enough [to do anything to get out], he can leave. But he doesn't want to get out. He likes his cage."

As I watched the show, watched someone putting into Truman's head that he was in a "cage," watched Truman slowly waking up to the fact that some things didn't add up, then watched him fight, willing to sacrifice all, not even withholding his life, so that he could find a truth he didn't even understand - as I watched that, something pushed inside of me. It pushed me to crave getting out of my own illusions, to be willing to sacrifice anything and everything to find the Lord, to allow Him to work with me that I might be what, who, and where He wants me to be.

--

The first time I was rebaptized (before the general call to be baptized by "authority" instead of by "commission"), I was baptized in a river and three white wild horses grazed across the river the whole time. A call to courage, I think.

Fear. Worry. One or the other has been my constant companion since I was a preschooler. I am in the process of letting go of that. A couple of years ago, God began helping me with that in earnest. He is still working on it, and I am as willing a student as I know how to be. He's working on me trusting Him.

I fear my own sins. I fear my own failure. The other fears are fading into the background, even disappearing. I read the posts about how serious it is, what we are doing, what we are attempting. Can I do this? Can I sacrifice ALL that the Lord requires? How much have I already sacrificed? How much more is required? I feel so inadequate. I worry that I will come up against something I can't do, can't handle. I worry that because I've had more than enough hellish experiences in my life, things that I could barely survive. I pray God to lift me up and make it so that I don't notice how bad it really is. I've prayed that before. He has answered, done as I requested. There have been some times when I have been surprised, when I would look at my life objectively and see what I was going through and how much it did not hurt or scare me.

I pray God that darkness has no power over me, to drag me down, to cause me to fail. I am alive for a reason. I am alive because of what God wants me to do. He would not have sent His angels to show me the two paths I could choose if He knew I could not accomplish the one that required me to stay alive (as we call it). I must believe that the Lord can do this. I must believe that He has already atoned for my sins (and is only waiting for me to accept that). I must believe that He can create in me a new mind and a new heart. I must believe that I cannot understand all that the Lord comprehends. I must believe that trusting Him will cause me to break out of the illusions I live in.

I crave breaking out of this hell I was born into. I crave breaking into the reality, into the Light. But I cannot do it alone. I don't have the knowledge. I don't have the understanding. I still labor under too much fear and ineptitude.

God help me. God help us all.

When God Asks for the Ultimate Sacrifice

Job. Abraham. Others. God either put into their lives something they greatly feared, or asked them to do something that - I believe - they greatly feared.

One of the parts on the path to God is that He will ask you to do something you do not want. It appears that it is something that is fearful to you. Abraham was going to be offered up as a human sacrifice. It is only natural that he should fear not only having such a thing done to him, but having it done to his beloved son. He had apparently already lost one son when Sarah kicked out the boy and his mother. He may have been fearful of losing his other son. Job plainly says that the thing he greatly feared had come upon him.

A friend and I were talking about Abraham's sacrifice. She pointed out that God wants us to face our fears and overcome them. That is the point of asking us to do the one thing we most don't want to do.

It is not so we can take a stand against God and say, "No. I'm going to be an adult here, and I will not do what you ask." (There is a thought process going around that Abraham lost his exaltation because he obeyed the command to offer up Isaac. Such a notion contradicts scripture.)

Neither is it to feed God's pride, or to show us and Him that we will bend to Him at all costs (though bending to Him at all costs is part of the process).

It is God helping us to over come all fear, all hesitation: Fear of what others will think about us or do to us. Fear of losing everything. Fear that your only son will not only be killed, but will be killed as a sacrifice.

Do we trust God? Do we trust that what He asks us to do is for our own benefit? Truly? Deep inside? Does God love us? Is He selfless in that love? Can He be trusted with all that we are, have, and believe?

It is a process of learning to trust God completely. When He asks for that one thing that we fear most, that one thing that we are most reluctant to put upon the altar, we are learning several things:

God always comes first. Not us. Not our families. Not our religion. Not our money nor our job. Not our reputation.
We learn to overcome all fear. After that experience, we fear nothing.
We learn to be selfless. Those who become eligible to be as God, must be as selfless as He is.

I'm sure there are many other things to be learned from this, however, this is all I have right now. Isn't scripture study incredibly interesting? Isn't there so much to learn and gain from looking deeply into what is there, and asking God to open up to us what we do not know?

God's Handiwork

This post has three titles:

God's Plan for Us

God's Handiwork

Has God Abandoned Me?

So, I've been having a rough time. We all have, no doubt. The circumstances I'm in have seemed unbearable for about a year and a half, now. Recently, my spiritual quests seemed fruitless. I seemed to be “seeing” and “hearing” heaven less than I did a couple of years ago, even though my quest was to follow Joseph Smith Jr.'s admonition to seek the face of Christ (it is in scripture as well).

I was at an impasse both physically and spiritually. It seemed worthless to try. The trials of my life were more than I could bear. Heaven seemed too quiet most of the time (whereas, in the past, I've had dreams from heaven, been able to tell the future, and had other gifts of the Spirit).

As a Christmas present, a friend gave me the recording “The Lost Mode of Prayer” by Gregg Braden which was very helpful. She also gave me the book, “The Secret” which was also helpful. But, in spite of trying to implement these things (basically, living in your mind, as if you had what you want), I found myself once again discouraged by my spiritual and physical circumstances.

Last Tuesday morning, I “heard” a voice in my mind and heart that told me, in essence, “This is almost over,” meaning my trials. I did not write down the exact words at the time I heard it, and I regret that - but the words were that this is almost over, meaning what I have been going through this time around. I am about to get relief.

That day, I went to a forum that I frequently go to. I expressed the following sentiment (it is a private forum, but I am quoting myself, so I hope that does not bother anyone who might be from there who is reading this):

“I have asked myself this [referring to me not seeing angels orthe Lord, outside of dreams] many a time, and cannot find an answer. I do know that I have had many spiritual experiences, before I read any of [Denver Snuffer's] books, but cannot get into the realm of "more real than real" that visions are said to be. Sometimes I have faith that it will happen to me; other times, I seriously wonder if what I have been taught is true - or if, maybe, there is something inherently wrong with me. But, when I begin to think I must be hopelessly evil, I remember some of the experiences I've had and am left to wonder - It isn't something that is easy to see and understand and have, in my experience.”

I received these scriptures in reply (I am quoting from my own notes, not from the forum). The references were not given, but I know the scriptures well enough to know they came from the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants.

- And ye may know that the words of the Lord, which have been spoken by the holy prophets, shall all be fulfilled; and ye need not say that the Lord delays his coming unto the children of Israel.

And ye need not imagine in your hearts that the words which have been spoken are vain, for behold, the Lord will remember his covenant which he hath made unto his people of the house of Israel.

- And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you;

And inasmuch as you have humbled yourselves before me, the blessings of the kingdom are yours.

Gird up your loins and be watchful and be sober, looking forth for the coming of the Son of Man, for he cometh in an hour you think not.

Pray always that you enter not into temptation, that you may abide the day of his coming, whether in life or in death. Even so. Amen.

- And the Lord said unto him: Believest thou the words which I shall speak?

And he answered: Yea, Lord, I know that thou speakest the truth, for thou art a God of truth, and canst not lie.

- But he that believeth these things which I have spoken, him will I visit with the manifestations of my Spirit, and he shall know and bear record. For because of my Spirit he shall know that these things are true; for it persuadeth men to do good.

And whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do good is of me; for good cometh of none save it be of me. I am the same that leadeth men to all good; he that will not believe my words will not believe me—that I am; and he that will not believe me will not believe the Father who sent me. For behold, I am the Father, I am the light, and the life, and the truth of the world.

Come unto me, O ye Gentiles, and I will show unto you the greater things, the knowledge which is hid up because of unbelief.

- Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.

It struck me that “in an hour ye think not” applied to the promise in D&C 93:1

Verily, thus saith the Lord: It shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am;

(Doctrine and Covenants 93:1)

All of the scriptures affected me most powerfully. They helped tremendously in my concerns about receiving angels and the Second Comforter.

But, yesterday morning, as I was going to pray, it seemed less than useless. I had forgotten the words of comfort given to me Tuesday morning. The trials of life were crushing me. God seemed absent. There was no reason to pray. God was not hearing me. That was pretty dang obvious. My environmental/physical/earthly problems were still there (and worse, because a critter that is either a skunk or a badger has been rattling around in our home, bumping around inside the heating ducts (the furnace doesn't work, so we don't use it. If it has holes in it big enough for an animal like that to get in, I'm glad we aren't using it) and even coming inside bumping around under my daughter's bed).

It was worse than useless to pray. It was actually painful to pray. I prayed anyway. (I don't know how I managed it.) And I decided to fast. So worthless to fast, and I almost didn't, but I did it anyway.

These scriptures come to mind:

29 And there was also written upon them a new writing, which was plain to be read, which did give us understanding concerning the ways of the Lord; and it was written and changed from time to time, according to the faith and diligence which we gave unto it. And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.

(Book of Mormon | 1 Nephi 16:29)

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6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

(Book of Mormon | Alma 37:6)

We will see if anything “great” comes as a result. Nevertheless, here are the results thus far:

At church, during sacrament meeting, the talks were nothing out of the ordinary until the last speaker. He said that when one has a problem, when one is about to succumb (not succumb to sin, but to the problem) one naturally turns to heaven. Then the devil steps in with his lies. The speaker seemed to be directing his words to men, because he was mentioning giving blessings, and the policy is that only men do that. In any case, his words hit hard. The devil steps in, but don't let the devil deter you, he said. “You give that blessing. You say that prayer.” Those words fit the tremendous and painful struggle I'd had that morning to even pray.

The man was unpolished in his speaking. No religious “politician” was he. And the curious thing was that after he said this, he told us his talk was about time management (from a general conference talk) and totally went off in a different direction. I was left to wonder if a humble man hadn't listened to God telling him what to say at the beginning of his sermon.

Sunday School was about Joseph Smith, Jr. I almost didn't go because I weary of hearing ad nauseum about how Joseph obeyed the Word of Wisdom when there was no such thing at that time. (And the fact that Joseph drank a little wine on occasion, even not long before he died, is something most of us don't know.) But I went anyway.

And I got another message. When the devil accosted Joseph in his prayer, Joseph did not give up. He “prayed harder”. It was interesting to see two things that addressed what I had struggled with that morning.

After church, I felt a little more on an even keel. When I had left for church, my daughter had been in the process of cleaning the house in order to keep the invading critter at bay (we had talked about finding out where it had entered the room she was sleeping in. She had seen it. In fact, after she had awakened me, and I had accompanied her down the hall, she had seen it again, peering at her from under the kitchen table. But some minutes later, we heard it bumping along the heating vents under the trailer again. We were not sure how it had done that, considering the layout of the place). I came home to find the living room a lot cleaner and in the process of being rearranged.

Later that day, I went to the site where my friend had posted the scriptures for me. After perusing for a while, I noticed he had posted a link to a video (God's Chisel) in a different thread, so I clicked on it. I shared the video on the Speak of Christ blog, but here is the link. I cannot imbed it on blogspot because it is not a YouTube video, nor is it on my computer.

It is a cute skit about how God is working in our lives. Just as when I read the scriptures that had been posted for me, I was in tears as the skit went on. And I am led to believe that the first angels God sends to us are imperfect fellow mortals.

Whereas, before, I had thought and felt that God did not care, that He was uninvolved in the trials and struggles of my life, I saw through this skit that it was possible that He was very involved in my life, and is in the process of making me into something better. I saw that my trials just might have a purpose, that they might truly be specifically tailored to my spiritual needs, and that it just might be true that “this is almost over,” because God is the one in charge.

It makes a difference when one can see one's pains in light of God's hand, and in light of “this will not last forever. There is and will be an end to this suffering.”

And I post all of this in the hopes of helping to relieve the suffering of someone else.

Whether a loved one has been murdered, whether you have lost your job, whether you have been made a mockery by your fellow beings, whether you fear for any reason whatsoever, whether you are hungry or homeless or nearly naked, God is there. God has not forgotten you. God cares about you. God is performing a work in your life. I promise you this. In some way, unfathomable to me, hell in this life can be for our benefit.

Your deceased loved one is safe. S/he is wrapped in the arms of Jesus. Quite possibly, they have come to you to communicate that they are okay. Perhaps you have heard this and, because of this conviction, you are more calm and peaceful than others can understand is possible.

Your lost job will turn to your benefit. Your hunger will turn to your benefit. Your lack of clothing and your homelessness will turn to your benefit. And if anyone was told by God to help you, but they didn't listen, it will turn back on them. This may seem harsh, because often the Spirit speaks so quietly, but I have learned that life is harsh - and the consequences of sins, even what we deem to be small sins, have hard and painful consequences. And, sometimes, what we deem as sins are not sins at all (body piercings, and not wearing a white shirt to church come to mind, as well as a man wearing a full beard).

It would best serve us to remove the voices that are not from God, whether they come from music, movies, games, negative thoughts, other people, or mindless pursuits. It is vital that we are open to God's voice, that we are used to hearing it. Then, if we have the ability to comfort those in need of comfort, to clothe the naked, to house the homeless, to feed the hungry we will know that God intends for us to do that, and He will show us who we should help.

If you are mocked, the mockery will turn onto the heads of those who mock, and they will mourn. This saddens my heart that anyone would suffer, but it is nonetheless true. You will be vindicated. If they repent, so much the better, but you will be vindicated. This, I promise you.

God is in charge of this world, even though it often does not seem that way. He cares. He loves you. We cannot always see that. If your stomach grumbles because you're hungry. If your breakfasts and lunches of the last several days have consisted of eating dirt (diatomaceous earth is nutritious by the way. I used the word “dirt” for its shock value - and yes, I have been there - very recently, in fact) - if you have suffered in ways that are genuinely painful and/or even dangerous to your mortality, know that God is there. Always.

God is not dependent upon ourperceptions of His existence. He is not dependent upon ourperceptions of His presence. He is not dependent upon ourunderstanding of whether He cares or loves us. If you get nothing else out of this post, please take this with you: God cares.He loves you. He is working to remove the sins and impurities within your souls.

The destructions that are escalating are allowed so that they will bring us to our knees. They are not caused by the secret combinations, though secret combinations may be involved as a tool of God.

All of the destructions and pain we see today, both those caused by nature and caused by people, are there to wake us up. They are there to call us back to God. We are in great need of repentance as a country and as a planet. Let us heed the call to repentance. Let us turn to God with all our hearts and souls, even if it seems He has abandoned us. I assure you that He has not.