Saturday, December 5, 2015

Commenting on this blog

I have just turned off the ability to comment. I have been getting a lot of spam the last few months and pretty much no comments. Spam gets tiresome. If you have a comment you'd like to get through, p.m. me at LDSFreedom Forum or Remnant of Jacob Forum (A Random Phrase).
Thank you.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Changing Doctrine

Quote from Preserving the Restoration by Denver C. Snuffer, page 474. The second paragraph is footnote 1280. Also, for those who are not aware, Denver does not support plural marriage, and points out that the pattern was one woman and one man from the creation of people on this earth (Adam and Eve).

There are several possibilities to account for the LDS Church's history of compromise on their doctrine. The first possibility is these teachings, although once proclaimed to be fundamental, even necessary to obtain exaltation in the afterlife, were falsely portrayed in the first place and were never saving “doctrines at all. The Book of Mormon seems to support this view.1280 If this is so, then contrary to LDS past claims, no soul was ever damned by refusing to accept the doctrine of plural wives. Nor was God going to take away all priesthood from the church as soon as the church attempted to ordain black African descendants. Nor has Almighty God banned women from the priesthood. Nor is homosexuality a serious moral offense before God. God's silence led the LDS Church to oversell these teachings and therefore they were, and are, free to “correct them.

1280 See 3 Ne. 11:31-40 where Christ declares His “doctrine.” The explanation has no mention of plural wives, priesthood or priesthood bans, or homosexuality. It concluded with the warning, “whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine, the same cometh of evil.” (Id v. 40.) The LDS Church is in the process now of backing away from earlier positions. Through abandonment of earlier doctrinal positions and condemnation of those leaders who advanced them, current LDS Church leaders appear convinced they can fix “errors.” Therefore, none of these discarded teachings were ever true or important.

Saturday, October 31, 2015


November is upon us. Once again, I have chosen to be part of the NaNoWriMo frenzy. It begins at midnight, local time (whenever your midnight is that begins November). So I probably won't be posting much here this month.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

On Signs, True Messengers, and Such

 In a Google group, there is a discussion about footnote 307, on page 127 of Preserving the Restoration by Denver Snuffer. The footnote in question says: D&C 63:9-10; meaning God determines when a "sign" will be given. He determined an earthquake would accompany my talk in Ephraim, Utah, rain would fall while I spoke in the drought-afflicted communities of Las Vegas, Nevada, and St. George, Utah, and record rainfall and a flood would happen at the final venue in Phoenix as signs.

 I won't get into the different things people said. It is, after all, a private group. I wish to quote one of my replies, however. It seems to me that it is something I should post here. (The rest of this post is my reply.)

That makes sense [name]. Because of that, and because you met someone who said they used to be a Satanist, I can see your reluctance.

To me, like Daryl said, the signs (of flooding and earthquake) are signs that God is truly doing something here and has nothing to do with Denver any more than ink and paper can boast of itself if my mother should write a letter and send it to me.

My testimony of Denver as a true messenger of God (not as a perfect man whose every word I should hang onto, mind you) came from God.

When 9/11 happened in 2001, I expected the president of the Church (Hinckley) to warn us of our impending destruction. Not only did he not do that, his sermon about 9/11 and the invasion of an innocent country was very wishy washy and against the Book of Mormon (essentially going into their countries to seek out the gadiantans). After general conference, I begged God with all my being to send us someone to warn us. "Don't you love us?" I asked Him. "You sent prophets to warn people [in other countries and times] before THEY were destroyed. Why are you not warning us? Don't you love us?"

In 2010, God used a friend of mine (who is exceedingly imperfect, by the way. God can use anyone and we are not required to believe every word they utter, only that which the Spirit or the Lord directs) to bring Denver to my mind over and over again. I read the blog posts to be polite to my friend. Over time, I began to see what was going on (the comments had to be turned off, though, because I was being entertained by them and not heeding the messenger), which was that this man was essentially claiming to be a messenger from God.

I recognized the Lord's words. I knew who it was who was really speaking in many of those blog posts. I cannot explain my knowledge, except to say that it was a remembering.

And one day I was talking to God about DS, the words in the blog, etc. and God brought to my remembrance the prayer from 2001 (I had completely forgotten about it) and He told me, "This man is the answer to your prayers."

We are all on different paths, have had different experiences, have different fears and stumbling blocks. I don't know what it was that made me pray like I did, or recognize the voice of the Lord. All I know is that this man is a true messenger from my Father.

That does not mean the messenger is perfect. That does not mean I should take everything he says to be 100% right just because he said/wrote it. In fact, I unquestioningly accept only what my soul tells me is from God. The rest I leave to God to sort out. The signs fits in this category. To me, the earthquake and the flooding in Arizona were signs. I'm not sure about the little bit of rain in St. George and Las Vegas/Henderson.

It is not for me to condemn God because people I judge as "good" were harmed by "an act of God." Perhaps the trials they received as a result of the flooding was a loving God giving them a wake-up call. Perhaps those trials averted something worse because it changed their trajectory. I do not know the heart of God. I do not know why bad things happen. Maybe they aren't as bad as we think they are. Maybe God has a different perspective. Maybe His is higher, better, beyond our comprehension. For this reason, I think it is good that we are forbidden to take upon ourselves judgment and condemnation of other people.

Something bad happened to me when I was 3 1/2. For me, it changed my life for the worse. Many times, in my adult life, I begged God to know why it had happened. Finally, He told me that it was necessary that that thing had happened. Without it, I would have been "too good." I needed that experience to teach me anger, rage, and to descend into the hell of uncontrolled rage so that I could a) learn to overcome and b) so I could learn to understand those who acted and/or lived in anger and fear - from murderers to people who are living in a more mild anger on a regular basis (no, I have never killed anyone nor attempted to do so).

In saying this, I am not lifting myself above anyone. "Too good" was the meaning of God's words to me. In my own mind, I am not nor have I ever been "too good." In fact, I am wretched, faithless, and far to far from God. I am like the wicked Lamanites, only I have not yet been changed so that I permanently have no desire to do evil.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

No Title

This is not going to be a spiritual post, so you might consider passing this one by.

Noises are so much louder than they were. In Spanish this morning, the teacher was talking and there was so much noise literally buzzing in my ears that I had to cover my ears. Soon the a/c stopped and I could tolerate the noise because all that was left was the teacher talking.

After class, I walked outside and down to the street so I could walk to the main part of campus. The traffic was almost deafening, even before I reached the street. I cut across campus as soon as I could to get away, but there was some type of machine (a/c unit?) next to a building that was just as difficult to deal with as the traffic noise had been. Then one of those leaf blowers someone was using to blow grass.

Even here, in the library, I hear every noise: someone dropping a book or backpack on a desk, talking, copy machine going, shoes pressing and squeaking on the carpet, various bumps and bounces in the audio part of life.

Then there's the comprehension. I feel like my mental self has not only been retarded (growth stopped), but has gone backwards. The Spanish teacher asked me a question. He asked me several times and finally said, "I'm asking how you are." I had no comprehension of it. I did reply accurately. It seems I've not lost the things I've memorized. I'm just having problems comprehending the spoken word. The teacher didn't ask me any more questions after that. He knows I had a concussion, so I am supposing he was being kind.

But I am frustrated. When I left the hospital, I was under the impression that I'd be okay after a couple of days. Then I find out (depending on how fast one heals and on how much one's brain was bounced around), it could take 7-10 days or even months to return to normal. I don't have that much time. I have classes. I have work-study. And I have them now.

God help me. He's doing something in my life, but I don't know what it is.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

A Response to Cassandra Hedelius, Fair Mormon Conference Speaker

This post by Tyson is excellent. I recommend printing it out and studying it.

I will quote an excerpt below, then I recommend you go over to his blog and read the whole post:

I wanted to discuss a few of the points. She identified a threat among Mormons as those who believe “the Church has lost its way, Church leaders are not inspired or in favor with God, so God has raised up new leaders outside the Church hierarchy whose visions and teachings are important for us to follow,”. She identifies one select group of these people as the "remnant".

She makes the claims that these people think they are more righteous and that they are elitist. This is far from the truth. When you begin to read the Book of Mormon and realize its a message not just about everyone else rather its about YOU (including me), and specifically the Latter Day Saints, YOU begin to NOT see yourself as a righteous soul. Singing songs of your righteous ancestors who failed to build Zion, despite the great sacrifices they made that preserved so much that we take for granted today, or hearing praises of flattery that you are a choosen generation begins to repulse you. When YOU begin to realize you are not actually as choosen as you first thought, YOU are not as righteous as you first thought, and YOU, just because you may have received the ordinances found in the Temple are still in jeopardy because YOU have not conversed with the Lord through the veil and redeemed your soul. When you accept the peril that is placed before you for your own soul this becomes the state of that soul. This is the reaction of the people to the message that King Benjamin delivered who sprang forth after 3-4 generations of no revelations (See Omni 1:11).

Thursday, August 20, 2015


These are thoughts I'm having as I write them, right now. I don't know where they will go.

  • "You get what you pray for."
  • "What goes around, comes around."
  • "As you sow, so shall you reap."
  • "If you ask for what you ought not, you'll regret it."
  • "You will have the desires of your heart."
  • "If you want something bad enough, you'll get it."
  • "If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed . . . ."
 Really? How do we know, since we cannot go back in time and do it over with different thoughts.

Creepy coincidences:

I was "sick and tired" of the internet one year. My younger daughter would stay up until 3 a.m. or later on it (she was around 13, I think). The schedule we had agreed on as a family wasn't working too well. I kept thinking -and even saying- that I didn't want the internet. I didn't want the computer.

Our internet came via a small satellite dish on the roof of our house.

One day, lightning struck the dish and fried our computer. When a man came to look at it and took it apart, I could see where a part of it had melted. (One of those parts you can take out of a computer and replace.) He replaced it.

Nearly a year later, I was tired of the internet again. I griped again, focusing on not wanting it. Remembering my last experience, I would say, "But I want to keep the computer. The computer can keep working."

Lightning struck the dish again. Fried the internet connection that was in the wall between the dish and the computer. The computer was fine.

I was freaked out. (As far as I know, lightning has not struck that dish again in the 7 or 8 years since that time.)

I have other examples (many of them, if I wanted to remember them all) of negative things that happened that I dwelt on.

Some examples of things in general:

Things like, I start thinking, "I'd like a new water heater (or refrigerator or whatever)," and after a while the thing starts to break down and needs to be fixed. I say, "That's NOT what I meant! I didn't say to break down!" (I wanted the means to get a better one, but let's keep the old one working until we have the money to just go out and buy a new one, okay?)

And not just things, but experiences. Experiences I have no logical control over.

When I lived in Washington, Utah in 1990, the lady I worked for had a home health aid come and give her showers. I daydreamed about going to people's homes in Washington and taking care of them like that (I was doing live-in work at the time. I could not have done that other type of work because I had no drivers' license, let alone a vehicle). Guess what I'm doing in 2015? Living in that city (about 7 or 8 blocks north of where I lived before, exactly. Same street, same side of the street) and going into people's homes to help them.

It's fitting that I am attending the same college I originally graduated from. Apparently, I was waiting for them to become a university. (They were a junior college - 2 year - when I graduated in 1978.)

Is there a connection? Do things happen because I am affirming stuff? Because I have decided I want a certain thing? (I don't alway dwell on something. Sometimes, I simply think or decide I would like to do or have xxx.)

When did it begin? There were negative experiences I had when I was too little to have decided in advance that life was . . . you know, not so great. I guess they built on each other? I don't think I had that "power" when I was a child.

So, do we descend into this world, pick up the negative, devilish vibes or positive ones (depending on our environment) - and then we are ready to learn? If we want to. If we will. If we even figure out what's going on.

I was not convinced that I had any sort of "power" but apparently some of my children are. I looked at the tires on my daughter's car. "Don't look at my tires!" What? Why not? Well, it turns out she's afraid that I'm looking at them, worrying that they'll go flat and she doesn't want them to go flat.

She calls it my weird voodoo.

I made a "dream board" when I lived in Mesa with a friend. I wanted a small house for a study and a huge house to live in. And a certain amount of acreage (I forget how much).

After we lived here for a while, my daughter pointed out that I got what I wanted: A small place in a big place on so many acres. (A rented condo in a building on property that has at least ten such buildings.) Wasn't exactly what I was shooting for, though. But I guess that's as close as God could get at the moment.

The original Star Trek series from the 1960s had a show wherein the crew landed on a planet, and everything they talked about happened. Didn't matter whether it was good or bad, happy or scary.

God is trying to teach us faith. Faith in him. Faith to become self-existent, so that we can stop going the rounds in hell (telestial circles) and get to wherever Jesus is headed, since he has finally surpassed this world. But, what inherent abilities do we have? Are we like a tiny infant, flailing our arms and legs because we haven't yet figured out how to use them to hold things, to feed ourselves, to dress ourselves, stand, to walk, to run?

It took us "forever" to get to this point. It will take even longer to get to Jesus' point.

Maybe part of the problem is that we don't get it. We aren't getting it. We don't realize that what we focus on (or decide on) is what really comes to us. So, when we fill our minds with violence (movies, sports, games, daydreams of vengeance, whatever), that is what we reap because that is what we sow. When we fill our minds with negativity (same sources, though my experience seems to show that it comes more from my concerted efforts over the years), we reap negative experiences.

Someone once said, "I know of no more cheerful a Being in the universe [than our Lord]." Maybe the reason he was able to overcome was because of his cheer. His attitude.

Sure, he told the Church leaders exactly what he thought of them and what they were doing, but maybe there was an undercurrent of expectation that he would succeed at whatever he put his hand to.

Maybe there's a fine line between being realistic and creating success.

And, if it really is possible to effect change in one's life (or in others' lives), how do we do that? I mean, New Age thinking would tell us we have to be exact in our words. We have to be careful and, even then, we may end up with what we do not want simply because of an incorrect word.

I don't think they've quite got it, though. I mean, I was thinking, "But not the computer. I don't want the computer to stop working." By New Age thinking, that should have guaranteed the frying of the computer the second time. I think the feeling or desire (or fears) behind the words and thoughts have a lot of power. I may be saying, "But not the computer," but what I'm thinking and feeling is that the computer is good, is untouched. (No, I wasn't thinking of lightning striking twice. I wasn't thinking of any way in which I'd get what I was griping about.)

And I think we need to factor God into it somewhere. New Age stuff doesn't do that (except for the garbage of "we are God" as if we are as smart, all knowing, and all powerful as he is. What arrogance!). I think bending our will to his is a vital part of this puzzle I'm trying to put together.

For example:
I really wanted a place to live for myself and my children. I was willing to live anywhere but in Utah (and my first preference was Arizona). We did lots of living in other people's spaces (homes, back yards) and living in a place that should have been condemned and torn down. Finally, I was broken enough to say to God, "Move me wherever you want me, even if it means Utah."

Guess where I ended up?

And, speaking of that. I moved to Utah to have my second child. I didn't want to go back to Arizona to my spouse. I visualized living in St. George with my two girls (my son was not born until a couple of years later). I chose to return to my spouse because I had promised my son (back when I had decided to marry that spouse) that he could come to earth through me. So, I sacrificed what could have been so I could keep my word to my son. (Wow! That makes me seem honorable, always keeping my word, no matter what. I'm really not that honorable. But this was something important to my son.)

Since I'm looking at going to school here for the next 2-4 years, I've been toying with the idea of putting energy into owning this condo. My big thing with that is that I have a tendency to "visualize" how such things are going to happen. That seems to screw things up.

So, bottom line, maybe?
  • Be truly willing for God to make the final choice.
  • Pray real hard (agony gets more results than just praying to the ceiling, though I hope that prayers don't have to be spurred by pain or agony. Maybe when we've learned to let go of whatever it is that's holding us back, it will be different).
  • Watch out for what you're really wanting/desiring and for what you are fearing.
  • God is trying to teach us something. He wants us to be self-existent. He wants us to figure it out.
  • Don't try to figure out the "how" of the particular thing you seek.
  • Learn to trust God with everything - all experiences, all that you own, all your loved ones (and hated ones). Everything.
  • Lots of missing pieces. Lots of things I don't understand or don't have a clue exist.

I think life is just a mystery, waiting for us to figure it out. But we can't figure it out on our own and we can't figure it out unless we are stripped of pride and stripped of "having a dog in the fight." It all belongs to God. Even us, I suppose, though the Gods have given us freedom to do a great many things.

A Purpose of Trials and Sacrifices

These are some thoughts I had this morning. That doesn't mean I really know what I'm talking about. I do think, though, that this conclusion was a result of pondering about "Goliaths" evaporating once we learn to choose faith in regards to them.

We are here to learn faith in Christ.

As we learn a little faith, he gives us a little more - to push our faith forward.

The trials we have and the sacrifices he asks, including the huge sacrifice at the supposed end is just another step in learning faith and in learning to trust him.

It is for our benefit, so that -eventually- we have the faith to be self-existent. Faith to attain to the resurrection of the dead (in other words, not dependent upon a God to resurrect us - but, instead, we can resurrect those who depend upon us).

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

On Trials and Challenges - part 2

The last post was so dang long that I didn't want to make it longer.

Continuing the idea, though, when the car began to act up, it was difficult to continue believing (not that I was that good at it in the first place - I had simply agreed to do what God had suggested.)

 I was facing my troubles and trials, as I said at the beginning of the last post. It was so painful to come face to face with so many things I could not control and/or feared. This morning, I was lead to read a few pages in The Second Comforter.

Pages 74-75:
How we perceive our challenges determines how we meet them. If we see God as the overriding influence in life's challenges, then we can trust God to help us through them. ... the dilemma is never merely physical. It is always a battle between faith and skepticism. Do you see it as a fight between your own willingness to trust God to deliver you ...?  Does God care about your life's dilemmas? Will He help deliver you from your 'Goliaths?' Do you trust Him? Do you believe in Him? Do you believe He is interested and involved in your life? Will you accept the proof of His involvement as His word to you? Do you feel His proofs are not sufficient or substantial enough to have faith in them?

Faith in a distant and unconcerned God may satisfy some .... But that is not the God Nephi (or David) believed in. In Nephi's example we find a personal God involved in everyday life. We find a God who will give a challenge to us, and then walk beside us to see we succeed. Nephi is trying to teach us this is the way God operates in all of our lives. He is not distant. He is a part of each of our daily lives. We can ignore Him, or acknowledge Him. But whether we accept or reject His involvement, Nephi's view is that He is present and concerned.

If you want to have an audience with God, you must first be willing to see God as someone who does have personal, direct and onging involvement with each of our lives. You must accept Him as someone who cares enough about you that He will help you accomplish His commandments. You must be willing to accept the forms of communication He uses to facilitate this.

This example of Nephi's is not limited to retrieving a book from a hostile cousin. It should apply to any of life's challenges. ... That is how you need to see the challenges you have. No Goliath in your life will destroy you. Rather, God will destroy the Goliaths for you.

In the end, Goliaths are merely opportunities for you to demonstrate your faith. They will be swept away when they no longer serve any purpose. They are there only temporarily to provide you with an opportunity to demonstrate faith.

As I thought on this, pondered on it, it seemed to me that what I was seeing were a) my obstacles (see the questions in the first quoted paragraph) and b) that all of these troubles would evaporate once I had learned to have faith in God. They are only there to teach me to trust God. Once I learn that, they will cease to exist.

That trust, that unconditional trust is what I crave. It is what I am attempting to grasp and incorporate into my being. I hope God is truly long-suffering and patient because it looks, to me, like an exceedingly long road before I can answer any of the questions in the affirmative, let alone have enough trust and faith in him to allow my present tribulations and challenges to evaporate.

On Trials and Challenges


So, I had a challenge that broke me, having to do with my car which I desperately need (it still runs, but has me concerned that it may stop running). It was the proverbial straw.

I was sitting at the computer a few nights ago, reading forums and skype, when I felt the Lord telling me to come talk to him. I procrastinated until too close to bedtime to say much before I slept. But I did talk to him the next morning, extensively.

Last night, I got the same "feeling" and got off the computer much earlier.

(As a side note, recently (before the experience(s) I am currently relating), I prayed all night. I began around 10 or 11 p.m. At one point, said I had to sleep, but felt compelled to continue. When I noticed light coming through the blinds, I checked the time. It was just after 6 a.m. It was difficult to believe that much time had passed.)

The reason I procrastinated talking to him was because I didn't want to face what was tormenting me. I felt I would totally break with reality if I had to look at everything all at once, and I knew that's what I would be doing if I talked to him.

 The car was and is only one of many issues that have been tormenting me. It's easier not to break when you pretend nothing is there.

I looked it all square in the face as I talked to him. I admitted that I did not know how to fix any of it. Like the proverbial child who doesn't know and knows that he doesn't know. That was me.

Do This

A few months ago, I dabbled with the idea of going back to college. Just for fun. Well, I began the process. Somewhere along the line I decided I ought to go for a bachelors degree (I already have an associates degree).

Also, somewhere along the line, I talked to God about it. He told me he wanted me to go. He didn't care what classes I took; he simply wanted me to go and take what I really wanted to take. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Then I read some words on this post that went into my mind - as if it possibly applied to me. The author was quoting someone else.

Everyone faces the identical challenge.  It seems different only because of our individual strengths and weaknesses.  The challenge is adapted to our own personality, capacity and life's history. Therefore, when you are asked to overcome something, it will fit in the framework of your life.

All are asked to make a sacrifice that shows they will not withhold anything from the Lord.  It will come to each person based on what they value and would regret to their core surrendering.  Whatever that is, you will be asked by the Lord to give it to Him.  You must decide to do that when asked.

All are asked to do something that they view as wrong, evil or inappropriate and will seem to be inconsistent with the Lord's mercy, righteousness and perfection.  The request will unmistakably come from Him.  You cannot evade the request because you doubt He is asking.  You will clearly know it is Him who asks, and that to all your understanding it will be wrong to do.  You must do it anyway.

All are asked to take a step in faith beyond where they are at the time.  Trust in Him, and only Him, as you take that step.  You will be certain that if it were something you were undertaking on your own, it could not be accomplished.  But because you are doing as He has asked, you know you will have the strength or support to do as He bids.
I could not see how it could fit what the Lord had asked me (college). I went through the points with God to see what was really being said:

First: “The challenge is adapted to our own personality, capacity and life's history. Therefore, when you are asked to overcome something, it will fit in the framework of your life.”

Second: “You will not withhold anything from the Lord. It is something you will regret to your core surrendering.” I know of nothing that would fit this. I have lost so much in the last 20-30 years, that anything else I lose would probably freak me out or give me a nervous breakdown, but I cannot see how I could not stop it from happening.

Third: “Whatever that is, you will be asked by the Lord to give it to Him. You must decide to do that when asked.”

Fourth: “All are asked to do something that they view as wrong, evil or inappropriate and will seem to be inconsistent with the Lord's mercy, righteousness and perfection.”

Fifth: “The request will unmistakably come from Him. You cannot evade the request because you doubt He is asking.”

And, sixth: “All are asked to take a step in faith beyond where they are at the time.  Trust in Him, and only Him, as you take that step. You will be certain that if it were something you were undertaking on your own, it could not be accomplished.”

1st: Well, it is certainly adapted to my personality, capacity, and life's history.

2nd, I've already commented on.

3rd: He did ask and I did say yes and am in the process of doing that.

4th: Here, I balked. "Lord, you know this is not evil or bad or wrong. It isn't against any scriptural law that I know of."

"Look at it closely," he said, "and tell me what you think of you doing this."

I looked at it, and I said, "Of course, it's wrong for me to go to college. Of course, it's a sin for me to pursue subjects that I have wanted to learn from my core since I was a child, because I'm not supposed to have what I want. I'm not supposed to do what I love. It's a sin - but for me, not for anyone else."

And as I kept attempting to explain, I saw that I was going in a frustrated circle. He was right. My core self believes it is the height of evil for me to do anything I would like, anything that would bring me joy and fulfillment. It's okay for others to pursue lives and careers that speak to their souls, but not for me.

We finally settled on agreeing to disagree because I was confusing myself.

5th: Even though it was quiet, even though it was simple, I was absolutely sure I was talking to the Lord.

6th: Absolutely, I could not accomplish this on my own. Not only financially (tuition, fees, books, rent and other bills, and so on), but the thing, itself. As I faced the thing square on, I saw insecurities about failing.

I finally saw that what I was supposed to do is simply give it my best, as I enjoyed it. Enjoy the journey. ("Who is this, really? God is supposed to make us do all sorts of painful sacrifices. He's supposed to make us miserable, even unto death, because that's what this life is for: suffering and sacrifice and pain.")

Knowing who the Lord Really Is

So, I was talking to him about this. Talking about the sacrifices, the ones that hurt, the ones that Brother Snuffer and others talk about.

He said to me, "I'm not going to do that to you yet. First, you have to know me enough to trust me. After you know me, then I can ask you to do other things. For now, we are working on you knowing who I really am and trusting me."

The understanding that accompanied that was seeing that I did not know his personality. I did not know him as a friend or a father. This needed to come first. And, as I recall, this message that I needed to learn to trust him, needed to learn to see and feel and believe his love for me came after the thing I wrote below.


That's the end of the post. However, below, I'm going to relate our conversation about point 4 in more detail for those who may be interested (I wrote it down soon afterward and this is a quote from what I wrote). Feel absolutely free to ignore it. [Brackets are my current insertions.]

The bit about God wanting you to do something "wrong" - well, I can't believe it but every time I don't, I'm immediately faced with my own deep conviction that - for me - it is wrong, it is a huge sin.

And I wondered why God would choose such a strange sacrifice for me. And I thought maybe God was using it to cause me to further trust him for food and such. And to trust him in general. And it was brought to my mind the time I did testing at workforce (in St. George - when my kids were ages 5/6, 8 & 10). the lady who told me my test results apologized that the IQ test only went to 126. I had surpassed that. They couldn't measure what it really was (one I'd taken a few years earlier averaged me at 144 - with the "logic" aspect being something like 168). [Note: I could have inflated that. It could have been 142 and 162 or 164.] She had noticed that I had finished the sections before others in the room (which would add points). She told me I could be anything, even a medical doctor. That experience is what came to my mind as I doubted my ability to take the languages. And I wondered why God would encourage me in such a secular thing. [The classes I signed up for are Chinese, French, and Spanish, as far as languages go.]

Isn't my job here to suffer, be miserable, never get what I really want? That's about the time the thought of "In contraries is truth made manifest" [came].

I mean, if I['m] going to go through the crap and emerge on the other side safe and whole, then there's got to be the possibility that the other side exists, right?

And, it's such a personal journey.

But I find myself suspicious. "Are you sure this is God? The devil is the one who tells us to do things we like," etc - etc.

So, you believe the devil gives you good things and I give you bad? was the gist of the reply.

And I have to admit that the answer is yes. I have learned exactly that. God gives homelessness, fear, hunger, poverty, pain, persecution, blocks any chance of having a creative outlet or doing what one loves.

It is the devil who says you should follow your dreams and desires, pursue your interests, who offers to you to never go hungry and so forth. (Not that he always delivers.)

Isn't that backwards, the "voice" [in my mind -not actually audible words] asks gently. Why would God/I give you talents and abilities only to have you sacrifice them?

Because you're a God who requires sacrifice of everything we like, of everything that makes us comfortable (food, clothing, house, safety, etc.).

True, but haven't you been doing that all along? Haven't you been suffering your whole life? Don't you think it's finally time you rested from that and learned what your soul craves (French, for example), and finally opened up to letting me provide abundantly for you - so much so that you can help others?

Me: This is really the devil I'm talking to, isn't it? Only the devil would pretend to offer me food ... [etc.].

So, you think that if you ask me bread, I'll give you a stone?

No, I think that when I have asked you for bread in the past, you have given me poison. When I've asked for a fish, you've given me worse than a fiery, poisonous serpent.

It isn't what I'd want to say to a God, but I must be honest in my perception of you.

Then why follow me? Why seek me out?

Because it's in my soul to do so. It is in my nature to  [pause] - oh.

(Smiles) [Meaning he smiled]

In my soul to seek you. In my soul to learn languages. In my soul to heal. In my soul to live with the earth, in nature, in "my" home.

I'm confused now.

You were always confused, my dear. How about you do an experiment? (I love experiments - behavioral ones, especially ...)

Just for this school year, you trust me. Maybe for two school years and one summer. You do what I say, which is to do this great "sin" of going after your dream of being a linguist - Let go and go for it.

Just for these next two years, assume (the real meaning, not the ass meaning) that I'm there for you, that I will provide for you and protect you. Sins, all, in your estimation. Do that for me, okay? (okay?)

That's a strange sacrifice you're asking of me.

It's a strange set of beliefs you carry.

Me, again: Okay. It makes no sense to me why you should ask me to do this "sin" which is only a sin to/for me. This whole thing is weird - But, okay, for you I'll do it.

[Turning attention heavenward] And, dear God, the Real God of heaven and earth, if I've been talking to the devil this whole time, please step in. I don't want to be happy if you want me miserable. I don't want to be well-nourished and in a home/land that nourishe[s] both  body and soul if you want me to be hungry, under-nourished, and either homeless or living away from nature.

God: Sigh

. . . 

So there you have it. I'm breaking out of a cycle - A cycle of misery and woe and hunger and homelessness and attracting predators and not learning/doing what is in my soul to do.

My "sacrifice" is to let God pull me out of hell and protect me and let me (make the way for me to) do what is in my soul to do.

What will happen? I'm sure I do not know. If the past indicates the future, I'll give up. I'll pull out. I'll continue the cycle of lack and misery.

The reason I post this personal stuff is because there may be another "loser" out there whose life seems to have given them the same message. Perhaps God wants to pull you out of misery if you could only learn to trust him.

If there is someone like that who reads this, I hope for your sake that I succeed - so that you can see that you, also, can succeed.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Baby needs some help

This is a plea from a father who is concerned about his baby. I read it and wanted to help, though I have no funds to do so, so I asked if I could post his request in the hopes others would see it and perhaps be led to help if they can.

I don't usually do things like this but as a new father I need to humble myself and know when to reach out for support.

Like I said I am a new father, my son is almost 6 months old now. He was born with a cleft palate and required CPR at birth. He was hospitalized for the first 15 days of his life and during that time transferred via helicopter to a larger hospital. My son, Jayden, is also missing a large portion of his 4th chromosome (25 genes to be exact). The chromosomal deletion and the cleft palate are huge obstacles for him to overcome in this life.

This is where my family could use some support. Jayden has a lot of food aversions; milk and soy are the two biggest. My wife has been pumping to feed him for the last 6 months and hasn't eaten any dairy or soy for that time. Her milk supply has dried up and we have tried dairy-soy free formulas and Jayden just wont eat for the last 2 weeks. We are left with the sole option of making our own homemade formula so he can eat and doesn't get hospitalized. This option is very expensive and we are left drained of all our savings. My wife keeps a blog to keep friends and family up to date on Jayden's progression. Remember when I started I said I had to humble myself? This is that part. If any of you feel inspired to help out my family, no matter if it's a couple dollars, you can visit my wife's blog and donate. All the money raised will go to providing for Jayden. It takes a lot to admit that I need help providing for my family so I will forever be grateful to you for helping me. Thank you so much for listening to my troubles.

You can visit my wife's blog at

Monday, July 13, 2015

Payson Utah Temple Cultural Celebration

God's approval or disapproval?

The scriptures tell us ways God approves. This quote shows, scripturally speaking, God's disapproval:

Suddenly a typhoon style rainstorm hit the area along with hail, thunder, lightning and 35 mile-per-hour winds. Thousands of participants and spectators moved from the stands and huddled under the stadium for shelter listening to clasps of thunder and a loud warning over the PA system - “Program is temporarily suspended. Take shelter under the stadium or return to your vehicle.” Others hunkered down with umbrellas not wanting to give up their good seats until the intensity of the wind, rain and lightning finally created a mass exit from the stands.
As the minutes ticked by, thousands of rain soaked participants and their disappointed audience wondered if the show would ever go on. Some kept checking the time and the skies while others silently prayed. Young men and women were seen leading large groups of people in prayer as lightening flashed and instant waterfalls cascaded down the bleachers.

The cultural celebration starting time, came and went. Then an hour after the scheduled time to begin the program, the storm unexpectedly stopped.

But the people's stubbornness prevailed.

But what about this reported event?

After the rock stars ascended the stand and the lead rock star in attendance walked to the podium and said a few words . . .

[Eyring:] "So let's fill this stadium with love and light. Let the celebration begin!"

Unexpectedly a large impressive flock of white doves flew high in the air above the stadium taking several graceful circling swoops.

Problem is, I've never seen nor heard where the Spirit of God is manifested as a large flock of white doves. It is only one dove, as far as I know.

But what approval would they be showing? The dove attending Jesus was because He had been baptized even though He didn't have to, technically speaking, because He was perfect.

Why would God send a whole flock of white doves to show approval for a celebration saying how awesome we all are, and honoring men? It couldn't be because God had accepted the temple. It wasn't a temple dedication. And history (and scriptures) show us that when God approves of a temple, people see Jesus and angels. Gifts of the Spirit are obvious. (This was not a dedication, by the way, but a huge party apparently commanded by and put on for a whole lot of rock stars. I mean general authorities.)

You can read about the whole celebration here.

It seems like it was quite impressive.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

On These Latter Days. What is Really Happening Here?

A few years ago, a woman wrote to an apostle and said the following things:

"Everyday I ask the Lord how I can repent and please him. It's the driving force in my life."

"I desire to get out of the church of the devil and become a member of the church of the Lamb of God." [Note: she was not referring to the corporate church in which her membership resides.]

"Right now I'm repenting of my sins so I can get on the straight and narrow path. I ask the Lord daily to reveal my sins to me so I can repent. When I am sufficiently pure, the Lord will come and give me further instructions."

"It has been my understanding that . . . all of you [First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve] have been sanctified, have had the experience of seeing the Savior face to face, and have become apostolic witnesses of His birth, death, atonement, and resurrection. As part of that experience you've also seen the history and future of the world. Is this true?"

"I too was surprised to find out that Apostles don't need to have a unique and special witness of Christ."

[After quoting Elder Haight's vision] - "Have all the apostles received an apostolic witness of Christ unique and different from the faith and belief that most of us have? I like many others believe He lives because we can feel it in our hearts, but we are not yet special witnesses of Him. Have you seen him and witnessed His baptism, His teaching, His healing the sick and lame, the mock trial, His Crucifixion, His Resurrection, and His ascension?"

"I need to know why we call the current First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles Prophets, Seers, and Revelators."

He replied and said the following things:

"I have . . . prayerfully pondered how I should answer you. What follows is what I feel prompted to say."

"The questions you have asked suggest that you may be out of harmony with the leaders the Lord has called to lead His Church. You reject the teachings of some of them by name, and you ask me and others (by implication) to answer questions you have set up to judge whether we are qualified to hold the positions to which we have been called . . . ."

"You also speak of 'the special apostolic witness of Christ.' Where do you find that kind of 'witness' defined or even mentioned in the scriptures?"

"From what you have written I feel to ask whether you are receiving and fulfilling the callings and hearing the counsel from your own local leaders, such as your bishop? Are you making and keeping the covenants we make when we partake of the sacrament each week?"

The bottom line as I see it:

Her: "The scriptures tell me I ought to be seeking the Lord's face. I really want to continually repent until I receive the promises God has made in our scriptures.

"I also understand that you [fifteen men at the top of the hierarchy] have seen Him and have had marvelous experiences. Is this true?

"This apostle chastises people for seeking such things. This other apostle shared his marvelous experiences. Have you and the other living apostles had this experience? Are you qualified to genuinely be prophets, seers, and revelators?"

Him: "I perceive that you are in need of repentance. How dare you question us! How dare you put yourself on equal footing with us by asking if we have seen the Lord? Are you following your local leaders? Are you performing your callings?"

Unspoken: "Of course we have not seen the Lord. I haven't, and I am threatened by your letter. It creates a super-icky feeling to think that you might actually see the Lord, thus surpassing me and my fellows in holiness. Better to squash you now and put the fear of an apostolic reprimand into your soul than that you should actually see and experience what my fellows and I have not and, indeed, do not believe is possible. We have the power of eternal life and eternal death. Do not think to rise up to our level nor to surpass us."

In light of that, here is an interesting prophecy:

The restoration is about to be completely compromised by the institutional LDS organization. If we do not establish another way to avoid the coming catastrophe, the restoration will utterly fail. The movement begun now will seem very prescient in a few years. In coming days many people will want a place to land as the LDS Church undergoes changes to retain their standing, favorable tax status, popularity and wealth. People need a place to fellowship where they can function and learn how to preserve the restoration in a place that will be a refuge for those fleeing an increasingly corrupt organization.

What has begun may seem small, unnecessary and even rebellious at present. It will not be long before it is viewed very differently.

 Accepting and performing *same sex marriages in temples. (The groundwork has already been laid with the "follow the prophet above past prophets, above the scriptures, and above the Lord Himself.")

A split among the Brethren as some go one way and some go another.

Finances finally being disclosed and faithful members being shocked at the naked truths about how their money was spent ("pay your tithing even if it means you don't have money to pay your bills, even if it means your children go hungry").

What is your breaking point, if you are a faithful believer in all things LDS? A believer in the Book of Mormon, in Joseph Smith as a prophet, in Jesus our Lord? That breaking point is sure to come.

*I want to be very plain about my views on same sex marriage. I believe the gov't has no right to dictate marriage laws. Marriage is between God and a couple, or between the couple, themselves. I also see homosexuality as a weakness of the flesh, but not nearly as heinous as cheating, loving a lie, stealing from the poor, grinding the face of the poor, building fine sanctuaries and setting oneself up as a Light, speaking as though one had authority from the Lord when one does not even know Him, lusting after power and wealth, anger, jarrings, contentions, and jealousies.

In other words, I see a difference between a weakness one cannot help and a sin one actively pursues.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Times they are a changin'

It seems like things have gone into a higher gear since September 2014.

I have always thought this restoration movement, this movement to preserve the restoration was so that people would have a place to come to when all hell broke loose in the LDS Church. Look at the prophecy below.
The restoration is about to be completely compromised by the institutional LDS organization. If we do not establish another way to avoid the coming catastrophe, the restoration will utterly fail. The movement begun now will seem very prescient in a few years. In coming days many people will want a place to land as the LDS Church undergoes changes to retain their standing, favorable tax status, popularity and wealth. People need a place to fellowship where they can function and learn how to preserve the restoration in a place that will be a refuge for those fleeing an increasingly corrupt organization.

What has begun may seem small, unnecessary and even rebellious at present. It will not be long before it is viewed very differently.

(Days, not literal, I am sure. But months? Maybe. Years? Without doubt.)

We have our work cut out for us. Are we sufficiently humble? Are we void of accusations and contentions? Do we return persecution and pain with kindness and meekness? Are we opening the doors of heaven with our faith?

Will we be found worthy to entertain angels and to be opening, welcoming arms for those whose faith in all things LDS has been shattered?

I don't know about others, but for me, I feel I have so much to work on. There is so much I lack. I pray continually that I may stand, that I may be a shelter from the storm when people's faith in the restoration and even in Jesus Christ are compromised in the coming years.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Helaman 3:27-30

Thus we may see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name. Yea, thus we see that the gate of heaven is open unto all, even to those who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God. Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked— And land their souls, yea, their immortal souls, at the right hand of God in the kingdom of heaven, to sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and with Jacob, and with all our holy fathers, to go no more out.

Anyone can lay hold on the word of God, not just members of a certain sect (LDS, FLDS, RLDS, JW, SDA, etc.).

The word of God is quick and powerful.

The word of God cuts to bits all the tricks, lies, deceits, traps, and so forth that the devil throws out.

The word of God leads the (hu)man who follows Christ in a strait and narrow course. Rather like a guide who leads people through a forest, because he knows the right trails to follow.

Across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked. This shows my bias towards mortality, but I look at this and see that this mortality touches everlasting on the one side and everlasting on the other. It, being in time, is in the middle.

And is it not a place where the most wicked dwell? Does it not engulf the wicked? Are we not swallowed up in the cares of the world, in perversions, greed, fear, lust for power and money, lust for bodies to play with, the need to survive, and so forth? Are we not all wicked to some degree or other?

To land with the Gods (why does this remind me of fishing? He landed the fish).

To go no more out. What? So, if God makes lots of eternal rounds in an effort to save his children, does this mean that if we follow Christ and don't veer off the path, we don't have to come back to another round? We can be with the Gods? We can be on that upper rung of Jacob's ladder? We don't have to come down into a mortal hell ever again? Sounds enticing to me.

Let's do it. Let's follow Christ and let him lead us safely out of this vale of tears and pain. Let us not allow the cares of this world, the fears of this world, the lusts of this world to distract us from our task of escaping this stuff.

Acts 16:16-22

And it came to pass, as we went to prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination met us, which brought her masters much gain by soothsaying: The same followed Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation. And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour. And when her masters saw that the hope of their gains was gone, they caught Paul and Silas, and drew them into the marketplace unto the rulers, And brought them to the magistrates, saying, These men, being Jews, do exceedingly trouble our city, And teach customs, which are not lawful for us to receive, neither to observe, being Romans. And the multitude rose up together against them[.]

Strong's numbers:

Damsel - παιδίσκη
Feminine diminutive of G3816; a girl, that is, (specifically) a female slave or servant: - bondmaid (-woman), damsel, maid (-en).

Spirit - πνεῦμα
From G4154; a current of air, that is, breath (blast) or a breeze; by analogy or figuratively a spirit, that is, (human) the rational soul, (by implication) vital principle, mental disposition, etc., or (superhuman) an angel, daemon, or (divine) God, Christ’s spirit, the Holy spirit: - ghost, life, spirit (-ual, -ually), mind. Compare G5590.

Divination - Πύθων
From Πυθώ Puthō (the name of the region where Delphi, the seat of the famous oracle, was located); a Python, that is, (by analogy with the supposed diviner there) inspiration (soothsaying): - divination. [Only occurs once in the Bible.]

Gain - ἐργασία
From G2040; occupation; by implication profit, pains: - craft, diligence, gain, work.

Soothsaying - μαντεύομαι
From a derivative of G3105 (meaning a prophet, as supposed to rave through inspiration); to divine, that is, utter spells (under pretence of foretelling): - by soothsaying. [Only occurs once in the Bible.]

 Now, my questions are these:
Why did it bother Paul? I mean, she was bearing testimony of them. She was, in essence, saying, "Listen to these men. They're servants of God. They show us the way to salvation."

Did he just get irritated because she was rather like a groupie?

Was it because she was female (Paul's other writings show him to be rather misogynistic)?

Why do we assume/teach each other it was a devil? Maybe it was a gift inside of her and not an actual separate being possessing her.

Wouldn't her testimony cause others to listen to Paul and his companion? Didn't the Lord say that those who are not against us are for us?

Is every spirit that possesses people from God? Is every gift of divination from God? Do some "gifted" people simply make things up? If they testify of the truth, are they of the wrong spirit? If they testify of truth at times and make things up at other times, which spirit are they of?

And, seriously, did this girl just irritate Paul because she hung around him - or were her masters making money off of Paul's presence? You know, hanging around him and putting in her own little prophecies and teachings on the side, which brought money and attention to her masters.

In other words, maybe they were sharing their own teachings alongside Paul, but that was not written in the record we now have.

I dunno. It just seems strange that he would get ticked off at her for testifying that they were true messengers of God.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

The End

In March, 1974, a teacher's ministry began. In April 2014, that ministry continued, but changed drastically as far as outward appearances.

40 years from baptism to casting out - Sept 2013
40 years from beginning of ministry to end of either it or of the first phase of it - March 2024

This, below, was brought to my attention by "briznian" so I am quoting it. I find it key to the quotes below.
I've thought about that chapter [the chapter of scripture quoted below] for many months. Those three are the last of the quorum who deposed Eldred Smith and the office of Patriarch to the Church. While they live, they have the power to rectify the situation. After they are gone it will require a restoration for the office to return.

As much as I love those three, it pains me to watch as all this unfolds. I have figured for some time that it was Perry who would go first, then Packer ... and finally Monson. That way there will only one changing of the Presidency. Because both Packer [and] Monson have looked so feeble nobody will connect Zechariah 11 saying it was just coincidence. Then Elder Nelson will ascend to the Presidency. Elder Hales hasn't looked well for some time and supposedly Elder Scott is ill too. It's conceivable that five of the fifteen could be replaced in the next year. I figure that they will be replaced with churchmen like Elder Clayton (Google his involvement in high profile excommunications) and Elder Rasband who supposedly lives in DS' stake and was involved in getting DS exxed.

All this will come during the announcement by the SCOTUS that gay marriage will be the law of the land. We will then shortly see it in the church.

I hope I'm wrong.

 Combine that with this:
[L. Tom Perry's] passing will mark another milestone in the loss of leaders who were there when I first joined the LDS Church. The only ones remaining now in leadership who were there at the beginning are Thomas S. Monson, Boyd K. Packer and L. Tom Perry.

I wish him and his family well. It saddens me to see him depart.
from here

And this. I am quoting the chapter in its entirety, but highlighting a few spots for tl;dr people (too long, didn't read).

Zechariah, Chapter 11

1  OPEN thy doors, O Lebanon, that the fire may devour thy cedars.

2  Howl, fir tree; for the cedar is fallen; because the mighty are spoiled: howl, O ye oaks of Bashan; for the forest of the vintage is come down.

3  ¶ There is a voice of the howling of the shepherds; for their glory is spoiled: a voice of the roaring of young lions; for the pride of Jordan is spoiled.

4  Thus saith the LORD my God; Feed the flock of the slaughter;

5  Whose possessors slay them, and hold themselves not guilty: and they that sell them say, Blessed be the LORD; for I am rich: and their own shepherds pity them not.

For I will no more pity the inhabitants of the land, saith the LORD: but, lo, I will deliver the men every one into his neighbour's hand, and into the hand of his king: and they shall smite the land, and out of their hand I will not deliver them.

And I will feed the flock of slaughter, even you, O poor of the flock.  And I took unto me two staves; the one I called Beauty, and the other I called Bands; and I fed the flock.

Three shepherds also I cut off in one month; and my soul lothed them, and their soul also abhorred me.

Then said I, I will not feed you: that that dieth, let it die; and that that is to be cut off, let it be cut off; and let the rest eat every one the flesh of another.

10  ¶ And I took my staff, even Beauty, and cut it assunder, that I might break my covenant which I had made with all the people.

11  And it was broken in that day: and so the poor of the flock that waited upon me knew that it was the word of the LORD.

12  And I said unto them, If ye think good, give me my price; and if not, forbear.  So they weighed for my price thirty pieces of silver.

13  And the LORD said unto me, Cast it unto the potter: a goodly price that I was prised at of them.  And I took the thirty pieces of silver, and cast them to the potter in the house of the LORD.

14  Then I cut asunder mine other staff, even Bands, that I might break the brotherhood between Judah and Israel.

15  ¶ And the LORD said unto me, Take unto thee yet the instruments of a foolish shepherd.

16  For, lo, I will raise up a shepherd in the land, which shall not visit those that be cut off, neither shall seek the young one, nor heal that that is broken, nor feed that that standeth still: but he shall eat the flesh of the fat, and tear their claws in pieces.

17  Woe to the idol shepherd that leaveth the flock!  the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye: his arm shall be clean dried up, and his right eye shall be utterly darkened.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015
The God of Heaven tells me all the world should pray that Baghdad does not fall.

Lamentation for Baghdad
May 28, 2015
Days of distress are upon Baghdad and the days of their troubles are begun. Distress shall overtake them, for those who come shall have no pity.

During the next nine years, we will see things happen in the LDS Church (and probably in all of the factions that claim to be the "true" doctrinal and authoritative descendants of Joseph Smith Jr). A cry for repentance, coming from the Lord as He tears things apart, as He preaches His own sermons.

After those nine years (March 2024), what will happen then?

If the Gentiles (called Gentiles even if there happen to be drops of rebellious Ephraimite blood in them) have taken advantage of the calamities and destructions and have repented, it will be well with them. They will be numbered among the house of Israel.

If not, they will be destroyed and trodden under foot.

How long after March 2024 will that take? I don't know.

Am I a true "prophet" or a false one?

I don't know.

All I know is that we are in great spiritual and physical danger. As goes the world, so goes the Church.

 We cry, "All is well," and bury our heads in the sand to our detriment and to our future horror and agony.

Repent and come unto Christ. Lean upon Him and no other. Be baptized by one having authority (rather than by one merely commissioned in a dead Church). Join no formal organization.

Keep your current religion if you wish (LDS, FLDS, Community of Christ, Buddhist, Islamic, Catholic, Episcopalian, Baptist, Pagan, New Age, and so on and so forth).

The Lord's church consists of those who repent, come unto Him, and are baptized. That is His doctrine. There is no doctrine but this, which is encapsulated in the words, "Come unto me."

The Book of Mormon is extremely helpful in this journey, but a belief in the literalness of it as a history doesn't seem to be a requirement.


Tony wrote:
The problem is that you, Obrien, and so many others apparently think you can now flout the law that has gone forth from Zion. Both the Bible and the Book of Mormon speak extensively about the law going forth from Zion.

A Random Phrase wrote:
No law has come forth from Zion, because there is no Zion on the earth.

Tony wrote:
There are plenty of scriptures that contradict your view. Here are a few of them. [Several scriptures followed.]

A Random Phrase wrote:
The honest-to-God Zion is nowhere to be found. The fake Zion is everywhere. You know, the one Nephi addressed when he said, wo unto them who are at ease in Zion, who say Zion prospereth? That chapter pretty much damns us to destruction and to hell.

But the real Zion, the bona fide Zion, the one that can accept the Lord's presence without people frying and dying ... that one does not exist. There are poor among us. None of us are of one heart and one mind. None of us are truly and honestly the pure in heart. Virtually no one in this fake (or practice) Zion has seen the Lord, let alone everyone. Nowhere is it taught in this faux Zion that no one needs to be taught by any other person because everyone there knows the Lord and HE teaches them.

We accuse those who wear sleeveless shirts, who smoke, who drink, who have tattoos or more than the allotted number of earrings, who are not clean shaven, who do not wear white shirts, who do not bow to the scepter and kiss the golden ring. We have more hedges about our laws than the pharisees and sadducees in Jesus' day.

We have homeless people. We have beggars. We have people starving. We have people who are sick and suffering and there is no man or woman going around healing them. We use weapons, police forces, and governments to defend ourselves. Nature refuses to help us. We have those who fare sumptuously. We have those who sit in chief seats and gobble up the accolades, honor, and idolatry of the masses.

We steal from each other. We cheat each other. We dig a pit for each other in the hopes that the other will fall into it. We lust after each other. We lust for power and wealth. We freak out at the idea of giving so much away that the poor are comfortable and the rich are demoted to comfort from luxury. We judge and condemn the poor, the beggar, the different, those who are less than perfect in our eyes.

We fight. We argue. We get angry at each other. We want revenge. We want to force our views on others. We are jealous and envious. If anyone believes differently than us, we kick them out of our associations. We consider people apostate and headed for hell if they don't give deference to those people we think require deference. In Zion, deference is given only to God.

If Zion, the real one, suddenly appeared in our midst I suspect we would all die of culture shock.

Friday, May 29, 2015


I have it from God (and I have His permission to say so) that those local leaders of the LDS Church who bully someone into resigning will be held just as accountable before God as if they had excommunicated these people. To force or pressure someone into resigning may look good* on the books, but carries no weight in heaven.

*Looks good because "they chose to leave; we didn't kick them out. It wasn't our fault they chose to apostatize and leave." Such reasoning won't work in heaven.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Remnant Family Reunion Report

So, last year, I signed up to go to the remnant family reunion. My motives for going (in this order): I had no idea, and to see friends I hadn't seen since the lectures ended. I signed up with the idea that I would probably cancel. Like many other people, I was suspicious and fearful.

Well, time for the reunion got closer and closer and I never got around to canceling. Finally, I told myself that I needed to do it. I went into my email account . . .    . . .    . . .    and couldn't write a cancellation email.

Long story short, God opened the way for me to go. I got back today between 4:30 and 5:00 p.m. I'm glad I went.

(Note: it is on purpose that I am leaving out most last names in this post.)

It took us a couple of hours longer to get there than anticipated. When we got there, we were shown the room we were to stay in (in the most awesome house I have ever seen in real life!), and I crashed for a couple of hours.

Originally, I had intended to only go to parts of the Friday night meeting, and to the Saturday meeting long enough to get the agenda for the day. But it was rainy, so playing tourist didn't seem like a good idea.

Rock was the first speaker. My daughter immediately thought he would be worth listening to because of his hair (one doesn't usually find hair like that on a typical LDS speaker at any LDS Church meeting). (Pardon the quality of the photo below. I wasn't very close.)

Before Rock, a man named Jon sang "How Great Thou Art." I have never heard it sung like that (can I say "awesome" again?). It was easy to tell that this man meant every word he sang.

After Rock, a woman named Marti talked, incorporating music and song into her talk - then she had anyone who wanted to, come up on stage to dance. Too many people. Some had to wait for a second round. (There were three circles, inside each other, for the first round.)

Well, to be honest, I was torn between wanting to go up and feeling inhibited. My friends who were sitting next to me, Angelina and Daryl, convinced me to go up there with them - but we were part of the "too many." By the time the second round came, both of them had deserted me. Totally disappeared. I briefly thought about going up, changed my mind, and sat back down by my daughter. Later, I saw Angelina up on the stage, but not Daryl.

I really wish I had written all that happened after I got back to the place I was staying, but I didn't even think of it. (It would have helped me to sleep, and I would have more to report here.) Consequently, I don't remember enough about Jacqueline and Larry's talks, except that they were good and Larry has a beautiful voice (he sang a song).  Tim gave the closing prayer.

After the meeting, I met Connie (Rock's wife). She is very beautiful.

I was so wired after I got "home" that I could not sleep. I felt incredible spiritual energy. I wondered how much was spiritual and how much was simply an emotional high but, to tell you the truth, all of it felt spiritual.

I spent a lot of time praying. Telling God what I wanted out of the weekend, and what I hoped for. At the time, I thought "the lodge" on the Grand Mesa was a building we could go inside, and I put a great deal of energy into what might happen at the testimony meeting there. I craved a spiritual experience on the order of angels or power from God. I was convinced that the powerful energy of so many people seeking God would bring blessings upon my head. (I did not get the experiences I visualized, but I did get something.)

The next morning, the congregation was asked to sing, "Praise to the Man," and it was suggested they (the congregation) stand. I could not stand and I could not sing the song. I had not come there to praise a man. I don't know if anyone else stayed seated and did not sing. Bret did address that after the song, to attempt to explain that he was not trying to praise men.

In the dedication prayer, the devil was cast out of the place three times. Interestingly enough, I felt all criticism and negativity leave me. (Being critical and judgmental is one of my many, many defects. Ugh.)

Then, I found out that "the lodge" was actually outside. Thus far, the weather had not been as bad as promised (by the weather services). Still, it seemed to me that it would be too cold. Ever since I nearly froze to death a few years ago, I find I have a revulsion for any really cold weather that I can avoid.

Scott spoke first and I kept thinking, "I know this man." When he mentioned that Jules was his stepdaughter, I was like, "Duh." Some of the things he said at the beginning really hit deep (in a good way).

Rob spoke next. He was adamant that the Lord had given him this talk. I was all for it after the spiritual uplift I had just tasted.

Perhaps I didn't quite get what it was he thought the Lord wanted him to impart, because what I got out of the sermon was that - even if we reached the highest level possible (like Jesus is now) - we would still be miserable. The only difference between devils and Gods is that Gods stay happy when being sawn asunder and watching loved ones being tormented. We will probably be right there in the midst of the death, disease, armies, hell, and horror promised to those who reject Jesus and His prophets instead of in a place of safety (like Zion).

In fact, his talk had such an impact on me that I began to tune out and wrote a list of some of the worst nightmares I had lived through (beginning when I was 3 years old). Then I began to write exactly what I thought of what he was saying. As I was writing, God began speaking in my mind, reminding me that a Zion person allows others to have their beliefs. Later, it came to my mind that I may have misunderstood what he was really trying to say (I don't think I did, but I could have). In any case, the Lord imparted comfort to me, and explanations.

You see, going through more hell seems more than I can bear. Back when I was around 27-28, I took an institute class on teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith. That was the name of the class. The concentration was on having one's calling and election made sure. This was in the mid-1980s, when it was still okay to teach such things.

As a result of that class, I fervently asked that my calling and election would be made sure. I liked the idea of seeing Jesus, wanted to see Him, have seen Him in dreams, but wasn't particularly interested in the Second Comforter aspect (I forget why). Little did I know that asking such a thing would call into my life trials beyond what I could bear. Ouch. (You bear them because you have no choice, not because you can actually survive or endure them.) I didn't even see the connection between the nightmares and my request until years later.

But none of my trials brought me to a calling and election. At one point, I thought I'd received it. But it is supposed to be an audible voice telling you and I've never had that, so I dropped that belief.

Well, as usual, I veer off topic. Where was I?

When everyone began to split up, we went to a store to get something we could eat (three of us) and to a chocolate store a couple of towns away (the towns are small and very close together - it didn't take long), then we went to the high school where the women were. I wasn't really very interested in that, sad to say. It was there, though, that I first heard that Candice needed prayers. (The connection between her and the online user name I knew her as didn't sink in, though.)

Then we had a little something for Meili, who is expecting a baby next month. Then my daughter and I went "home" while everyone else went up on the mesa for testimony meeting.

Still concerned that, no matter what I did, I would never have a place of safety to live, I asked God in all sincerity to please -this time- give me scriptures that apply with me just opening my quad (that happens like .0000000001% of the time I try it).

When I opened the book, I discovered that I had been holding it upside-down. Sections 125 and 127 (126 did not apply). Verse 2 of the former and verse 1 of the latter. The one was the Lord mentioning building cities unto His name so "that they may be prepared for that which is in store for a time to come." (In other words, a safe place.) The other was talking about leaving the place "for my own safety and the safety of this people."

I was also concerned that I had somehow displeased God by being too much of a wuss to go up to the mesa. Obviously, I was going to miss the great outpouring of the Spirit that I'd expected to be there (and Bret had emphasized that the Lord had wanted the testimony meeting; that was apparently the most important part of being there). And, I would miss the sacrament they were going to have on Sunday, because my daughter and I were going to leave in the morning. What a bust. Ugh.

When Meili came back from being up on the mesa, she said there was a barbecue and invited us to go. I accepted the invitation. The idea was to go there and eat a little, then go to the family dance.

Meili got the address and put it into the gps on her phone. It took us to the middle of nowhere and said, "Your destination is on your left." Nothing. No house. No driveway. The nearest houses didn't have numbers that matched.

We drove around a while, then decided to just go to the dance (stopping off at "home" so she could grab something to eat).

The dance hadn't started yet. Lisa was there. We told her we had not been able to find the place. She said she could draw a map for me and asked if I'd like her to do so. (I was the driver.) I said yes. She did, and I saw where the gps had led us astray.

The place was easy to find. Meili and I left and went to the barbecue. It was still going on.

The aforementioned Tim was there. I told him I appreciated the interview he'd done with Denver and we talked a bit.

The host (we'll call him Joseph) was very friendly to everyone. At one point, he began bringing out wine. I asked if he was going to have the sacrament. He said yes. I gave a thumbs up.

He told me that everyone who had come was supposed to be there, that he had dedicated his home before the weekend activities for those who would come. He reiterated that to the group in general.

He blessed the bread and the wine. He bore his testimony, said he'd borne it before (I'm sure he meant on the mesa). Then, more people came and we were going to run out of bread and wine, so he brought out more and Tim blessed it this time.

Joseph bore his testimony again, but a little differently.

He had not intended to have the sacrament, but felt he should do it. Tim seconded the idea (this was before we had gotten there).

A few more people bore testimony. In fact, one young man did because he was going to leave and wanted to do it before he left. But, when a young lady began telling her story, he did not leave but stayed until the end.

At the end, Tim gave a blessing upon the people who were there, then Joseph did. Before he did, though, Joseph said that for the blessing to be binding upon us, we needed to write down what he was going to say at the end. When I sought him out to say goodbye, he reiterated to me that I needed to write the words for them to be binding - that writing the words made it so that I owned them so to speak.

This is what I see: God knew I wanted to be part of the outpouring of the Spirit. He knew I needed the opportunity to be part of the power of the Spirit that was being poured out, part of the blessings that were promised, and to partake of the sacrament. That is why, when the gps didn't work for us, He made it possible for us to get there anyway. That is why He told Joseph to do and say what he did (blessing and sacrament).

There are not too many men who I believe to be prophets of God, to speak for Him with power. Denver is one. Joseph was another. At least at that time, on that day.

And I must say (yes, I must) that I was impressed with Tim. For being such a popular blogger, he is a very unassuming man. That means he does not walk around as if he is important or bloated up in pride. Very humble. Very meek.

None of the bloggers I saw there gave an aura of self-importance. They were just people. I mention Tim specifically, because his meekness and humility were so obvious to me.

And I thank both Tim and Joseph for the blessings they gave to us. I believe the Lord honors and will honor both blessings. (Tim's was short, Joseph's was long.)

And I must add a note about Candice. She died. We found out last night, while at the sacrament/testimony meeting. It sounded as if it was her time, but she leaves behind a husband and small children. Any prayers any reader wishes to offer up in behalf of the grieving family will be greatly appreciated, I'm sure. I don't know if they need any concrete help (like donations), though if anyone knows them in "real" life, hugs and tears might be appreciated.

Had I power, I would leave a blessing upon the heads of the husband and children left behind: May God bless and comfort you. May you feel His loving hand. May you have experiences beyond the veil of conversing with Candice. May you understand why this thing has happened. May God seal you His, along with this loving mother and wife.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

God, Numbers, and His Ten Lectures

I've been studying the ten lectures to see what God would have me learn, do, and be. This part made me wonder what it is God is saying by doing this:

. . . beginning in Boise and going on through Phoenix, the beginning date, the ending date, the content, the fact that there are 10 of them, the timeframe in which they are being delivered, the fact He wanted us to begin on the first day of the 40th year, and He wanted us to end on the last day of the 40th year, those things are not my doing. He is the author of this all.
What this site says about the numeral 40 is this:
The number 40 represents transition or change; the concept of renewal; a new beginning. The number 40 has the power to lift a spiritual state.
It represents a purification (see the link above).

The symbol for us may be that the messenger was purified, meaning we can trust what he says because he is not on his own errand, but that of the Lord's. It is a symbol or witness to us that he may very well have been sent by God. (For me, the message convinces me it is of God. The number only verifies that.)

Also, the change in the LDS Church (and probably other churches that count Joseph Smith Jr as their spiritual father) - a transition away from being led, collectively, by the Lord (though individuals are always able to open heaven, if they repent and believe, and follow Christ).

For those of us who listened to and believed the Lord's words through His messenger, it was the year of renewal and a new beginning for us, lifting us to a spiritual state because our hearts are not hardened, our minds are not blinded, our necks are not stiff. It can represent God's invitation to be purified, to begin anew, to change into what the Lord would like us to be.

10 lectures, 10 places (could have been 10 separate men, if 9 others could have been found. It reminds me of the story of the ten lepers. Only one returned, and he was a stranger. Only one was found to deliver the lectures, and he was a convert -instead of being one of the descendants of those who had lived in Nauvoo).

In regards to the numeral 10, this site has this to say:
[T]en is one of the perfect numbers, and signifies the perfection of Divine order, commencing, as it does, an altogether new series of numbers.  . . . 

Completeness of order, marking the entire round of anything, is, therefore, the ever-present signification of the number ten. It implies that nothing is wanting; that the number and order are perfect; that the whole cycle is complete.
That ought to give us something to ponder on (I have no intention of spelling out all that I've been thinking nor all my conclusions).

1 year. 1 = unity. Also, the first. The Firstborn. All rising up to be firstborn, if they are willing to do, to sacrifice, to be.

See this site - and this one for a little information about the numeral 1.

I couldn't find the meaning of a year, let alone an exact year, but I found this site that talked about the meaning of the number 365.
 Age of Enoch when God took him.
 Interesting, considering that it is the city of Enoch that we are looking for, after Zion is established.

North to Boise, south to Mesa (Phoenix area), west to Las Vegas (Henderson, actually), and east to Grand Junction. From Idaho to Arizona. From Nevada to Colorado. Thus covering the whole of Utah and most of the pioneer outposts or settlements sent out in Brigham Young's time.

From the Idaho Falls lecture:
I don't know if it's important that anyone from Idaho Falls comes here. I don't know if it's important if anybody from Idaho Falls hears one word. But I do know that a testimony needs to be spoken on this ground, in this place. I know that everyone will be accountable for that. Not just those who happen to stumble upon this.
 (Off our topic, but he also said: "God is moving systematically. He is taking the measure of the Latter-day Saints. His hand is about to move again in the affairs of men. We have a window." I would say that His hand is definitely moving now.)

 We could make a whole discussion on how we are all connected and that being the possible reason we are all held accountable. Or we could go at it from the angle of most of us within the parameters of the lectures know about the Book of Mormon and say we believe it is a holy book and valuable to us.

But, I am looking at the "testimony needs to be spoken on this ground," part. I believe there is a reason God wanted the lectures given in certain places (someone who ought to know, said that the messenger was rejected in Salt Lake City, and that is why one of the lectures was given in Centerville, Utah). I believe Manti was once holy ground and that is why one of the lectures was given there.

Look at the map (the cities that mark the outside perimeters of the lectures are starred). Draw your own conclusions. They are likely to be just as good or better than mine.