Friday, December 9, 2016

Project for Awesome 2016

Project for Awesome - "Online Creators Decreasing World Suck"

NaNoWriMo is in the running for a grant. Anyone interested in NaNoWriMo, in supporting NaNoWriMo, or who is interested in writing and/or interested in supporting writing, writers, authors, please vote. The link is at the bottom of this post.

Quote: We’re in the running for a grant from Project for Awesome, and your vote can help us win! Just click on the link below, click on each NaNoWriMo video, and push the "Vote for this Video" button!

Vote to support NaNoWriMo!

Voting is cumulative across all videos, so your vote on each video helps us support even more writers. Thank you so much!/quote

Vote here

Saturday, October 8, 2016


For the purposes of this discussion "belief in Christ"=following the doctrine of Christ as explained in the Book of Mormon.

Have you received "church discipline" for your belief in Christ? Have you been excommunicated or pressured to resign for your belief in Christ? Has your spouse reported you to a bishop or stake president because of your belief in Christ? Has your spouse divorced you (spurred on by the advice of a bishop to do so, or on their own) because of your belief in Christ? Do neighbors shun you? Do former friends ignore you, avoid you, bear testimony of men to you, or talk about your "apostasy" to each other - because of your belief in Christ? Has your family essentially disowned you because of your belief in Christ?


As written in both the Book of Mormon and the New Testament:
And blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake; For ye shall have great joy and be exceedingly glad, for great shall be your reward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets who were before you.
3 Nephi 12:11-12

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Matthew 5:11-12

Also notice this in verse 8 of both chapters:
And blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Note that there is no caveat declaring that this experience has to happen in some other life, after death, at judgment day.

. . . every soul who forsaketh his sins and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am. [emphasis added]
Doctrine and Covenants (LDS version) 93:1

 And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things. Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.
Doctrine and Covenants (LDS version) 88:68

And again, verily I say unto you that it is your privilege, and a promise I give unto you that have been ordained unto this ministry, that inasmuch as you strip yourselves from jealousies and fears, and humble yourselves before me, for ye are not sufficiently humble, the veil shall be rent and you shall see me and know that I am—not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual. For no man has seen God at any time in the flesh, except quickened by the Spirit of God. Neither can any natural man abide the presence of God, neither after the carnal mind.
Doctrine and Covenants (LDS version) 67:10-12

Question: Is this promise only to those men "ordained to the ministry"? Is it only for those men Joseph was preaching the word of the Lord to? Or is this promise to everyone?

Was Nephi speaking only to those "ordained to the ministry" when he said these things:
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I know that if ye shall follow the Son, with full purpose of heart, acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ, by baptism—yea, by following your Lord and your Savior down into the water, according to his word, behold, then shall ye receive the Holy Ghost; yea, then cometh the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost; and then can ye speak with the tongue of angels, and shout praises unto the Holy One of Israel.

Wherefore, do the things which I have told you I have seen that your Lord and your Redeemer should do; for, for this cause have they been shown unto me, that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter.  For the gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water; and then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy Ghost.

Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.  Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.

Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh.  And when he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do. And now I, Nephi, cannot say more; the Spirit stoppeth mine utterance, and I am left to mourn because of the unbelief, and the wickedness, and the ignorance, and the stiffneckedness of men; for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be.

You. You plural? You singular? Nephi wasn't talking to us, right? Only to his descendants, referring to Jesus' future visit to some tiny portion of Nephi's descendants. That's why he saw us, right? So that he would not keep a record addressing us, right? Nephi's not plain. No way does he speak in plainness - because, then, he just might be saying something like this:

Follow Christ with full purpose of heart. Repent. Be baptized. Then you'll have a remission of sins, and baptism by fire and the Holy Ghost (in other words, they are two different things). Then Christ will tell you what to do. These words of Christ come by the power of the Holy Ghost. To you. Not through some man, some priest, some bishop, someone "in authority." Then, at some point after you have received this doctrine, Christ will manifest himself in the flesh - to you. Flesh. You (singular).

If only those "ordained to the ministry" can see Christ in this life, then I submit that only those "ordained to the ministry" are allowed to repent, be baptized, receive the Holy Ghost, and receive the baptism of fire. Sounds silly to me.

Blessed are you when you are persecuted for Christ's sake, when you are disbelieved, mocked, cast out, lose your marriage and/or your family, lose your job, are shunned, and/or treated as though you had leprosy because you recognized the Lord's voice through a true messenger, recognized a true prophet of God, and were baptized as a result of your belief in Christ, your faith in Christ. Not faith in the messenger, but in the Son of God.

Rejoice! For so persecuted they those who believed in Christ and his doctrine for centuries upon centuries. For so persecuted they who were cast out from formally organized churches. For so persecuted they who chose to follow the Lord instead of some man or some woman or some "sighted" person.

This earth is waxing old. Destructions are happening and I suspect they will continue to happen. Praise God and stand firm in faith in HIM and only him. He is more important than your job, than your family*, than your ecclesiastical leaders. More important than anything else in this life.


*This is not a license to cast away your spouse, children, or other relatives. Be an example of a true follower of Christ. Make it difficult for them to cast you off because of your love and patience and genuine long-suffering toward them. Seek not only Christ, but also seek the pure love of Christ.

Friday, October 7, 2016


November begins NaNoWriMo, the month of novel writing frenzy. It's a writing marathon! 50k words in one month. If you don't want to write a novel, but want to write something else, that's fine (check the forums here, here, and here). I've done it every year, beginning in 2009. Anyone with any interest in writing, come check it out! We'd love to have you join us!

Thursday, October 6, 2016

On Serpents and Trust

I've been thinking of the story about the Israelites today. It's the one where many of them got bitten, and God told Moses to make a brazen (is that brass?) serpent. All the people had to do was look at it and they would be healed. Many did not look, and they died.

Dang Israelites didn't have faith. Or was that really it? Was faith the root of the lesson God was trying to teach? What if He was trying to teach them to trust Him? Trust Him for food, for protection, for everything.

For these last 2 1/2 years, God has been in the process of teaching me to trust Him. I thought He was trying to teach me to trust Him for food, shelter, transportation, and so forth. Today, it occurred to me that it was so, so much more. I caught a glimpse. Not enough to really explain well, but enough that I would like to share it.

He wants me (and all of us, I'm sure) to trust Him not only for food, shelter, clothing, transportation, but also for the direction our lives go, as well as salvation. In other words, I screw up. I don't understand. I'm going to continue to screw up. I'm going to continue to not understand what God is doing in my life. I really don't know where I should live, what I should do, how to be "good" (whatever that really is). I don't know enough to be someone worth the time the Lord invests in me. If I can trust Him with everything, trust Him to the point that He wishes I would, then I can rest assured of my salvation because I have turned it over to Him. Submission to Him is trusting Him.

This is in no way "resting on my laurels" (I don't have any, anyway). This is trusting the Lord Jesus Christ for my salvation, for my protection, and that everything is going to work together for my good.

A while back, I had a convo with my good friend, Meili. She has a tendency to charge forward, doing what she thinks she should, with the idea that God will correct her if she's wrong. He has. It may have taken longer than would have suited other people, but her life is between her and God, not between her and onlookers. And, in my view, she has learned wisdom in the process, wisdom she probably could not have learned in any other way. I'm not exactly sure what this has to do with the topic at hand, except-perhaps-that trusting that God will correct us if need be is a part of trusting God as a whole. Perhaps we needn't be so afraid that we'll screw up that we make no decisions at all (that's pretty much where I stand/sit a lot of the time). Perhaps, after we have learned the lessons, God will correct us and set us straight - as long as we remain trusting, humble, and teachable. Rather like that child God keeps telling us to be like to inherit His kingdom.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

The Lord's Coming in Glory

This is an excerpt from Denver's talk that was shared with me, and I think it is important enough to share here. I haven't listened to his talk yet. I am in the process of listening to Dan Rogers' talk, though, and would highly recommend it. It is about Christ. I have not listened to any other talks, but they are all supposed to be shared at some point by those who hosted the Boise Conference. Many thanks to them and their selfless efforts.

 I saw His return in glory and recorded what He revealed. I was lying at home in my bed when The Lord spoke to me, calling me by name. When it ended I was commanded to write an account. As I wrote, the words were given to me and I recorded the following.

 "On 13th of February, 2003, I saw the Lord coming in His glory. At first a sign appeared in the heavens, a light emanating from a single point and turning first this way and that. All the world saw it and men debated over it's meaning. At length the light turned upon us and within it was the Lord showing His glory with concourses of angels and the hosts of heaven following in his wake. And when we saw that it was the Lord we rejoiced and were filled with joy. I turned to my wife and said, "Look, it is Christ"! And she said, "yes, it is!" And we were filled with joy and peace of mind for the long awaited day of the Lord had come. But others were filled with dread. They feared and lamented and wanted the mountains to cover them and hide them from His presence for He was clothed in red and came in judgement. And Christian ministers knew they had taught falsely and that their faith could not save and they begged for relief from the saints. This caused me to marvel at how this could be. It was given unto me to understand that without the ordinances of salvation through the authorized ministers of the Gospel, it was not possible for men to shed their sins. And they could not look upon a just and holy being without being racked with torment and guilt for their sins. And they pled with the saints to minister to them but we could not for we were constrained by the Spirit and were forbidden to do so. For this was the day of judgement which the Lord had in His heart and He was now come to preach His own sermon, clothed in red and to deliver those who waited on Him and to convict and condemn those who had not. I write this with my own hand and bear solemn testimony that it is true. Amen"
When I finished recording the foregoing account, I replied to the Lord that it was not complete and that I could give a much fuller account. The Lord replied, "when the time comes to bear testimony of this, these are the words you shall use".

 And many other things were told me that cannot be written. These are the words I can use to testify of that event. Therefore this is my testimony of that visit in early in 2003.

 The first appearance of the Lord was in the 50th year of my life, an age considered suitable for more than 1000 years for a man to qualify for service in the holy order after the order of the son of God. The Lord has visited with and taught me on many occasions since then but never at my insistence. I have never controlled His appearing. My experience is that he cannot be conjured nor controlled. I can petition but he comes when he decides. The Lord has never appeared to me in a dream. I have always been awake, fully aware of my surroundings and with my senses unimpeded. When awakened during the night, sleep has always fled and following such an encounter I was always unable to return to sleep. The Lord does everything according to His higher way of teaching. By beginning with a vision of His return, He set out the foundation for understanding His course which is one eternal round. Since his first appearance, He has sent diverse angels from Adam, or Michael to Hyrum or Joseph Smith, giving line upon line to confirm my hope in Christ.

May God grant us all soft hearts and true repentance. I worry about myself, my children, my siblings, my other family members, and many friends and acquaintances, as well as all of us on planet earth. Oh, that I had the voice of an angel and that the whole world would hear and turn to Christ!

Thursday, September 1, 2016


Our belief that we know the answer blinds us to our ignorance. As a result, we ignore the signs that we might be mistaken (Madeleine L van Hecke, Ph.D, Blind Spots, Prometheus books 2007 P. 52)

Our natural tendency is to assume that the answers we have are the right ones, not to habitually question what we think we know.

Saturday, July 30, 2016


LDS remnant
Facebook posts are flowing
Complaints of LDS policies,
estate, and priesthood errors
Book of Mormon preaching,
filtered through Pratt and Hyde
Bible reasoning.
False traditions are dropping
as new ones
from mystical popcorn trees
are popping.

LDS remnant posts all
bitchin' and moanin'
rather than discussing Jesus
And His power atoning.
A seed planted,
with the claim to be watered
We see the roots are drying,
over posts of polygamy
A remnant we claim
of what, indeed?
Have we only managed to escape
The Corporate Greed?
A remnant, a remnant! But what of the fruit? 
Endless division, debate, 
and a name (the Remnant) to boot.
My God.
What have we done?
A remnant ... 
the repetition has begun.
Jaxon Peterson

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Christ is Good

In the Bible, the word "which" is often used as we would use the word "who". In light of that, I looked at this scripture differently a while back.

Moroni 7:26
Whatever you ask the Father in the name of Christ which is good, in faith believing that you shall receive, it shall be done unto you.

Moroni 7:26
Whatever you ask the Father in the name of Christ (who is good) in faith, believing that you shall receive, it shall be done unto you.

Friday, May 27, 2016

Witnesses of Christ

We have witnesses of Christ in our day. And the Father. And the Mother. Eyewitnesses. I don't think we know where all of them are, and I suspect that they are hidden all over this planet. Below is a link to a blog. It has interviews. These are people I have met or seen or know online (or some or all of the above).

Each story is unique. Your story is unique. I found this interviews to be encouraging, even powerful. Some parts spoke more strongly to me. Other parts may speak more strongly to you. Someone whose testimony broke down my walls may be "meh" to you, and vice versa.

If you would prefer links to individual interviews (for example, in the passage of time, thirty new posts have been added and you don't want to slog through them, looking for interviews), here are individual links.





Monday, May 23, 2016

Adam-Eve - Conflicting Commandments?

As an LDS member (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints™), I was taught that Adam and Eve were given conflicting commandments. They were told to "multiply and replenish the earth," yet were also told not to eat the fruit of the tree that would give them the physical ability to have children. This catch-22 by God was divinely inspired for some reason.

Well, I have begun reading the Inspired Version of the Bible. It is a reprint of the 1867 edition. I got it at the Restoration Bookstore.

First thing I noticed (which I had noticed before) was that God told Adam not to eat the fruit of the tree. He didn't tell Eve because she was not created yet. The second thing I noticed was no mention of multiplying and replenishing the earth, anywhere in the garden in Eden.

This is the scripture about the fruit:
And I, the Lord God, commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat; But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it; Nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but remember that I forbid it; For in the day thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Then God gets busy and makes the animals, then Eve.

I also noticed that God essentially said, "Don't eat it. If you do, you'll die, but I want to be clear here: you have the freedom to make your own decisions. Just know that eating that fruit is not a good idea."

When God created Eve (I don't know if she was literally a clone, minus the Y chromosome or if the creation of Eve is an allegory), this is what is said immediately after God "brought her unto the man."

And Adam said, This I know now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Then God explains to Moses how the devil came to be, points out that the devil had drawn many after him (implying that the serpent was one, hence some of the animals here may follow the devil, not God), and gets on with the story of eating the fruit and being kicked out.

There is no command to multiply and replenish the earth (which they apparently cannot do in the garden, in their innocence*). There are no conflicting commandments.

One thing I find interesting is that Adam knows what a father and a mother are. That strongly suggests (to the point of being a no-brainer) that Adam knew what a mother and a father was. The only way he could know this was to have one of each, in my opinion. I also think that the reason Eve was created after the animals was because it was possible that Adam's mother gave birth like mothers on planets usually do. That takes time. So Adam had animals to keep him company until Eve was born. (Heck, most of the story may be an allegory. I mean, they had to have been at least teenagers or adults, physically, when they got kicked out, in my opinion. I can't see two children the physical maturity of a 5 and 7 year old being out on their own in a lone and dreary world, and having sons and daughters (Genesis 4:2).)

Anyway, the Inspired Translation solves the problem of why God was such a creep as to give two commandments that conflicted, then make it impossible for them to keep both without sinning. (Answer: He didn't.)

*And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.
2 Nephi 2:22-23

Friday, May 6, 2016

Doctrine of Christ Conference

 So, the restorationist movement had its first conference a year ago, April, in Colorado. There was a lot of mistrust and fear amongst people in regards to it (it turned out to be a very good conference). In spite of that, there have been several since then. Some have been small and private. Here is one that is coming up that is being widely advertised.

I doubt I will go as I don't have a way up there and I don't know what my financial or work situation will be at that time, but I wanted to spread the word.

A general conference for all people seeking to follow the Doctrine of Jesus Christ
September 10 - 11, 2016 — Boise, Idaho, USA

More info can be found at the site below:

Monday, April 25, 2016

Second Coming is Real

Okay, lame title. I couldn't think of a better one.

I think the words below from a true messenger of God bears repeating. This stuff is real. Jesus is real. He is really going to come. From here on out, in the world, it will be less and less fun.

The Lord's return is always a subject He wants us to keep in mind. All the latter-day events that will mark the time for His return will happen in a single generation. (D&C 45:30; JS-M 1:34.) Therefore, when that generation begins to witness the signs of His coming, they should prepare so the return of the Master does not find them abusing others. (Matt. 24:44-51; JS-Matt. 1:49-55.)
. . . 
I am sent as another witness to testify He will return. Signs have been, and are being given both in the heavens and on earth.
. . . 
He has authorized baptism as His own covenant to preserve all who receive it. I have seen His return and I know this newly offered baptism will be respected at His return by those who will return with Him. Baptism is offered as a covenant between you and the Lord. There are no institutional demands made upon you as a result of receiving the ordinance. It is an invitation to renew your relationship with Christ and take an act of faith to show Him you keep Him in your heart.
. . . 
Every nation, kindred, tongue and people, black and white, male and female, young and old, are invited to be baptized. There is no charge, and you make no commitment to men. You only covenant to follow Christ.

He is aligning events to complete His work, and the signs of His return are being given to this generation. The time will soon come when it will not be possible to receive this invitation any longer. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance.

How long is a generation? I don't know that God counts it in years. Speaking of only one genealogical line, I had two generations in Nauvoo: Shadrach and Lorenzo Wesley Roundy. Then, there was Joel Jesse, Sarah Elizabeth, then my mother. Counting from Nauvoo, I am the 4th and 5th generation. (LW-JJ=1 JJ-SE=2 SE-Mom=3 Mom-me=4) 

How to translate that into now, I don't know, but if we take the year the "saints" were kicked out of Nauvoo and subtract it from 2015, then divide it by 4 (generations), we may come up with a general ball park number. However, the time when "it will not be possible to receive this invitation any longer" will probably be sooner than that. If the Book of Mormon is any indication, there comes a time when people cannot repent (because of their mindsets).  They are "past feeling."

I don't know about you, but the possible fact that Jesus could return as early as 40 years from now gives me cause for concern. Who will be ready? Will I? But my concern is more for my loved ones. My children, my siblings and their families, my cousins and other relatives, my friends and acquaintances, even those who seem to be enemies of some sort. 

Would to God that all people might repent, turn to Christ, and follow Him. 
Why must we suffer? 
Why must we harden our hearts? 
Why must we hurt each other? 
Why must we live in fear, anger, vengeance, and contention? 

Let us lift up our hearts together. 
Let us unite in love! 
Let us cease contending. 
Let us cease lifting up ourselves or others on pedestals as one(s) to be heeded above others. 
Let us humbly turn to our Lord, Jesus Christ. 
Let us see ourselves for the fools we really are. 

Holy, holy, holy is the most High - for it is by His grace and His grace alone that we are saved, not by any act of ourselves. 

We may repent, we may accept His awesome grace and incredible mercy, but it is He who has trodden the winepress alone. It is He who has opened the door to our salvation and peace. With all my heart and mind, I throw out into the "ethers" the invitation to come unto Christ, and to be one with Him. Amen.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Egypt and Truth

I have been interested in Akhenaten for quite a while, wondering if he was inspired by God. You know, on the order of a true prophet. He changed the worship of many gods to one god, for example. Just now, I came across this (emphasis mine):

When historians first began to study Akhenaten carefully, in the late 1800s, the first thing that naturally came to everyone's mind was that Akhenaten was divinely inspired. However, it does not seem likely that Akhenaten simply decided out of the blue to make such a major change. Many early historians, determined to link Akhenaten's religion somehow to the Jewish religion, said that he was inspired by Joseph or Moses (Redford, p. 4, 1984). This is a possibility, considering that Joseph, at least, was around in roughly the same time period as Akhenaten. However, after close examination of Akhenaten's religion, this hypothesis seems unlikely. Akhenaten's religion did center on one god, but his major emphasis was on the Aten's visibility, tangibility, and undeniable realness. Akhenaten placed no emphasis, therefore, on faith. (source)

Holy Cow! If that isn't the best proof that he was inspired of God, I don't know what was. We have inherited a Christianity that says God is unknowable, that says He cannot be seen. And here, Akhenaten was preaching (like Denver Snuffer does in his 10-lecture circuit) that the Lord is visible, tangible, and undeniably real.

Akhenaten's name was originally Amenhotep IV, but he changed it. His new name meant "living spirit of Aten". He was the younger son (his older brother had died). (source)  A different source says the name meant "He who is of service to the Aten" or "Effective Spirit of Aten" (source)

Another interesting bit of the puzzle (emphasis mine): (source)
Akhenaten was the son of Amenhotep III and Queen Tiyee, a descendent of a Hebrew tribe.
 Amon was one of the deities that Akhenaten replaced. Apparently, he "presented the Aten as a variant of Amun-Ra." (source) (Could it be that Amun had roots in the true God, but had been changed and perverted over time? I don't know. I'm just wondering.)

He was King Tut's father. Tut was the boy-king who died young (we don't really know if it was "natural" or if someone did him in so that they could revert back to their old religion).

About Akhenaten's wife:
The Eighteenth Dynasty was characterised by powerful women, but Akhenaten seems to have granted his chief wife, Nefertiti, with power surpassed only by the Pharaoh himself. Some scholars even suggest that she ruled as co-regent for part of his reign. (source)

That shows an equality that is rarely suggested among apostate religions, an equality that it seems God believes in.

Anyway, here are the sources, if you want to go to any of the links:

Sunday, March 20, 2016

A Dream

I had the most curious dream last night.

First, I was visiting a family who was pretty much a merger of two families I know in real life. Violently contentious families (the parents were not kind to their children while raising them). In the dream, the children were still young.

Then I visited a friend whose name is Denise. She lived in a house or an apartment (I'm not sure which; I only saw the inside, as far as I recall). Then I visited my mother, who lived in a house. The inside walls of both places were "exceedingly" white.

I was trying to decide which one to room with, and came up with the idea of all three of us rooming together. Denise was willing, but as I visited my mother, I was pretty sure she wouldn't go for it because Denise was a worse housekeeper than my mother.

While I was visiting my mother, she was washing clothes and/or dishes. It was a curious machine. Apparently, you could open the front and put in dishes or open the top and put in clothing. It was running when a man came. His job was to make sure the machine was running correctly before it was used for the first time. However, my mother had been using this machine for a long time (a month or two, I would guess), and the man was so unacquainted with this machine he was supposed to be an expert on that he didn't even know it was running when he opened its door. Mom had to tell him to close it because the water was about to be poured in (he had opened the dishwasher side).

My mother was explaining to me how the washer was automated/had its own mind so to speak. You put a row of detergent in (They looked like short upside-down test tubes, maybe 2-3 inches wide and 4-5 inches tall, two rows of 6 each, inserted into a board made of ... it looked like plastic, but it wasn't) and the machine would take one tube of detergent each time it ran (but it may not have used the whole beaker of powder in one wash load). A person rarely had to put soap in. I guess it practically put the clothing/dishes in for you.

Both my mother and friend were living in what looked like it could be St. George, Utah. Definitely Utah, and I knew that I had been brought to Utah from Arizona because I had failed in my Arizona life. Basically exiled to the lesser place. I was trying to find a place to live, and in my plan to room with these two people, I was looking for a place for the three of us. I thought of my uncle's apartments, but realized they were long gone. Besides, I wanted a place that was much better than that.

I never became aware of the fact that I was dreaming, but I did become aware of one real life fact: Both of these women are dead. That startled me.

When I woke up and went over the dream, I realized that the homes these two were living in - the walls were more white than any earthly thing could ever be. I also realized that they were both perfectly happy where they were, and I had no right to disrupt that by insisting they move. 

I also wondered about the fact that they are dead. Was it telling me that my time on earth is about done? Have I failed at what I came here for? I'm not ready to die. I haven't done what I believe I need to do to be saved (see the Lord in person, not in a dream, nor simply sensing that He is standing near me), and my children are not all settled in their own place (one they can afford without my input - not that my input is much. I'm rather a beggar at the moment). Were my children settled in homes they can afford, with jobs to keep them there, I would be more willing to go, though I would prefer to know that I have accomplished what I came here to accomplish.

It was a troubling dream, in a way, though both Denise and Mom were very happy where they were and with their lives.

After proofreading this post, it occurred to me that it wasn't my time to go because, if it was, there would have been a house for me. Even the contentious, angry family had a house, so being a failure at life (AZ being life) would not have prevented me from being given a home immediately upon my arrival into the place I was.

If anyone would like to take a shot at interpretation, I would like you to post it (I have to approve posts -too much spam- so don't be discouraged when/if your reply is not immediately visible). Also, Denise is the real name of the real friend. We met 40 years ago. She died around 2000, of cancer. My mother also had cancer, but died of the treatment around 1998.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Jarrings, Contentions, and Envyings


Pray for the movement in general:
Pray that darkness will be vanquished, that hearts will be healed no matter where or who, that this time the restoration will be completed, that this time our Lord and our God will find a people who can stand in His presence and survive.

Do you not think it is painful for Jesus, our Beloved Lord, to see - over and over and over and over again ad nauseum - what we do with what He gives us? Do you not think it saddens Him?

From the beginning of time, we humans have thrown His gifts into His face, often while chanting His name and claiming His approval of our jarrings, as if HE was the one who commanded us to take offense, to persecute, to kill, to harm, to harass, to backbite, et al. We use our Lord's name in vain when we claim His approval for such things, or consider ourselves justified before heaven for our hurt feelings, for our tendency to persecute, to jar, to envy.

Can we not see that we are less than the dust of the earth? We are disobedient to a fault. Really, truly. In that thing we are perfect. We have perfected our sins: anger, jarrings, contention, fault-finding, mocking, persecuting, taking offense when none was intended. We have perfected listening to the dark spirits and to our own vanity. We have perfected calling such dark things revelations, inspiration, visions, and from God.

Can we not see our own fruits?  Can we not recognize that when our hearts are filled with hurt feelings or offense or fear or anger or accusations or self-righteousness that we are being filled with the wrong spirit?

My heart cringes at the thought of any of us being captured by hell, at the horrible, horrible feeling we will have at the feet of our Maker when we are filled with the sinking regret of having done such harm to our God, when it is everlastingly too late - when we can to nothing to change the harm we have caused to our fellow-humans and to ourselves, when we finally see the utter pain and agony we caused the Lord  by throwing His gift of pain and suffering into His loving face.

I have seen friends and acquaintances in this movement offended. I have seen them argue. I have seen them withdraw.

I have seen and heard of groups falling apart or on the verge of collapse.

I have seen offense taken when none was intended.

I have seen issues, that should have been taken to the Lord for healing-of-self, brought out in fruitless discussion as people fought to be understood, when true healing could never happen as long as their base of belief was rooted in the very real wounds of the past that was causing their tendency to take offense in the first place.

I have seen many, many solutions brought forth that seemed -to me- to be the solutions of men (meaning people in general). I have seen many solutions brought forth that seemed straight from God. And I have seen most of those many solutions dropped by the wayside as people focused on solving the problems from a Babylonian mindset, even while they thought they were going about it in the manner God wanted.

Don't get me wrong: I am absolutely NOT setting myself up for a light. I  have also taken offense. I  have also reacted by defending myself verbally, thus causing even more offense because I could not objectively see what was actually being said. I was filled with fear. I tried not to return the threat I felt, but I think it was returned - as none of us knew how to communicate with Love and without our baggage and wounds.

Being unable to fully trust people, having been beaten down and kicked too hard by life and by people in these last nearly 60 years, being unable to even comprehend real Love let alone show it, I turned to my God for solace. I could not open up to other people and say how threatened I felt, how scared I was by the perceived attacks, so I turned to the Ones (the Father and the Son) who knew my soul.

I was given answers. I was given understanding. I was given revelation. And that understanding was very specific: Pray for those who are frightening you, making you angry, offending you. Have compassion for their weaknesses, even the ones that make no sense to you because there are many things in your own life that someone would look at you and say, "You can't do that?!! That's easy-peasy. You're awfully lazy and worthless if you can't even do that simple thing that everyone in our society does!"

So I should give what I desire to receive, even if I never receive it. And that is - kindness, praying for those who we think are against us (and definitely for those who we are sure are against us). Let us pray for their happiness, for their healing, and do so with an attitude of understanding that their weaknesses don't feel good to them. They need our help to overcome. And we give that help by doing what Eva and Andrew have done: forgiving, praying for those who despitefully use you, slow to take offense.

Let's Do This, People! Let us rise up and fulfill the measure of our creation!  Let us find the Lord. Let us live by every word that proceeds out of His mouth instead of by what proceeds out of our own broken souls.

Let us all not cause our Lord more sadness and pain because of our own selfishness, and pride.

Look what He has done for us. Cannot we not at least love Him in return enough to ask for His help to see our weaknesses? To see when we contend, jar, and hurt each other? To own our fears and offenses (hurt feelings) and take them to our Lord and to our God so that we may be healed from those pains? To learn to actually trust Him more than we trust anyone and anything else? And let there be no mistake, I am preaching to myself just as heartily as I am preaching to others. Perhaps moreso, because my fears extend to fear of being alive. I hate this place called "life" most of the time. I am more broken than any of you, of that, I am sure.